Lily's Lost Journals
by baseballblondie
Summary: Inside a chest in an attic in London, Hermione discovers diaries written by Lily Evans Potter from the age of 8 on. Can these diaries help Harry? And what about the mysterious person following Hermione?
1. Prologue

Prologue

The attic. As she climbed up the creaky old stairs to the top part of the house, she pondered what it was that she would find there. She stepped over the threshold and gazed upon the dust covered trunks, furniture, boxes of what had at one time held important things. Seeing the mess, she realized that the attic hadn't been cleaned out in years, perhaps even in centuries. She could be done with the job in a matter of seconds with a wave of her wand, but no, she wanted to sort through each little piece and see if she could find anything that was remotely interesting. She decided to start in the far corner where there was a pile of trunks that looked old and interesting.

Moving carefully among the clutter, she made her was to that corner. Not afraid to use magic to clear away the dust and make the air breathable, she muttered a quick cleaning spell and the dust and cobwebs vanished. Settling down on the floor, she tried to open the first trunk. It wouldn't budge. Sighing, she realized that magic would have to come into play if she were to get anywhere. With a flick of her wrist, she muttered, "_Alohomora_." The trunk's lid sprang open with a snap and banged against the piles behind it.

Gazing inside, she found sets of old robes and school things. Lifting up the first garment, she was amazed at the quality of the work. "Focus Hermione," she muttered to herself. "Remember the mission. You're here to look for anything useful to the Order. And remember too that you can't use magic unless you have to. He's less likely to find you and be able to trace it."

Knowing that it would be hard to keep her focus, she returned her gaze to the contents of the trunk. After quickly surveying the remainder of the items, she decided that the old clothes and school things were not at useful for the Order. Moving the trunk aside, she started on the next one. On and on she went, sorting through the trunks, setting aside items that may be useful, discarding the rest. After working steadily for several hours, she came upon some books.

The books were old, obviously, as were most things in the attic. Hermione gently lifted the first tome from the trunk. Brushing the dust off of the cover, she studied the book. It was not like any sort of spell book or other magical book she'd ever seen. In fact, it didn't look magical at all. It was a small leather bound book, the type that could be found in any Muggle stationary store. She recognized it as a type of journal. But whose journal could it be? Looking past the volume held in her hands into the trunk, she realized that the entire trunk was filled with these journals. What a treasure trove! Perhaps by reading the journals, written by some unknown person, she'd find something useful for the Order. Settling back against the wall, she conjured up a couple of cushions to make herself comfortable and opened the journal she held in her hands.

"_This diary is the property of Lillian Michelle Evans, age 8_," was written in a childish scrawl across the first page.

Hermione gasped. She'd never in her wildest dreams expected to come across a diary belonging to Harry's mum. She knew that Harry had no idea of its existence otherwise he'd have read them long ago. There had to be at least a dozen of diaries in this trunk! All belonged to Lily. Hermione's mind was swirling with questions that she longed to know the answers to. How did a trunk full of Lily's journals survive the destruction of the house in Godric's Hollow? Why weren't they given to Harry years ago? Did anyone even know of their existence? All Hermione knew was that she had to read them. They belonged to Harry and if there was something, some piece of information, no matter how small,in them, then she had to find out. Anything to help Harry.

Settling back against the cushions, she began to read Lily's life story in her own words.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_March 27, 1968_

_Today's my birthday! Yay! Daddy gave me this so that I can write down my thoughts and feelings. That's good cause I can tell all about how my birthday party and how my sister is so great._

_First my party. Mummy let me have 6 friends over. We had cake and chocolate ice cream. And I got presents. I love getting presents. My best friend Julie gave me a pretty purple t-shirt and purple hair ribbons that match it. I love purple. _

_Petunia says that redheads don't look good in purple, something about it being the wrong color for our skin tones or something like that. I ignored her. I think that to be nice, I'm going to share my shirt with her. She can borrow it. We're both almost the same size. She's just 10. I love my older sister. Outside of Julie, she's my best friend. When I grow up, I want to be as pretty as she is. She's so pretty. I'd trade my red hair and green eyes for her dark hair and dark eyes any day. I think I was adopted. Casey was adopted. Her mum and dad are always telling her that because they couldn't have kids, that they got to pick the very best. Petunia looks like Mum. But I don't look like either Mum or Dad. Daddy says that children always look like their parents, but that I look like some exotic queen. Then he showed me a picture of his great-grandma. She's beautiful too. As I looked closely at the brown and white photograph, Daddy's great-grandma winked at me! I tried to tell Daddy, but he just laughed and said I'm imagining things. No I'm not! I know what I saw._

_Hmmmm, I'm not talking about my party anymore am I? Well that's ok. Back to my party. Julie was there, obviously. So was Casey. And Sarah. And Jane. And Emily. And Hannah. We played this game called "Pin-the-tail-on the Donkey." Hannah won it. She got her donkey's tail pinned in the exact spot. Mine landed on the opposite wall. It was very funny. After the game, it was time for me to open my presents. Julie gave me the purple shirt and hair ribbons. Casey gave me a stuffed frog. He's so cute. I think I'll name him Ribbitt. Sarah gave me a new book. It the latest Nancy Drew book and I think that Petunia's more excited about that than I am. Jane gave me crayons and a coloring book. Emily gave me a game called Monopoly. This looks fun. Maybe Petunia and I can play it tomorrow. Hannah gave me a green blanket. Her mum made it for me, but Hannah pointed out that she helped. She got to make a few of the stitches. It's so soft. And in a shade of green that match my eyes. Mummy gave me my own case of makeup! Now I won't have to borrow hers anymore. Of course there's only eyeshadow and lipstick and nail polish, but that's all I ever use anyway when I am allowed to play in Mum's makeup drawer. Petunia gave me a picture of me and her playing in the park. I love it! It will go on the table beside my bed. And of course Daddy gave me this diary. After presents, it was time for cake and ice cream. Yummy! All chocolate of course. Then my friends had to go home. I wanted a sleep over, but Mummy said no not this time._

_Well, now I have to go to bed before Daddy comes up and gets mad that I'm still up. Tomorrow is a school day and I can't wait to tell my teacher, Mrs. Creagle all about my birthday party!_

_Always,_

_Lily_

Hermione had to smile as she read the words that 8 year old Lily had written. Such life, such innocence. Too bad that that was lost and her life was cut so tragically short. Hermione had a hard time picturing the girl Petunia that Lily had so lovingly painted with her childish words. According to Harry, his aunt hated his mother. Hermione had to wonder what had caused the rift between the two sisters. At the ages of 8 and 10, Lily and Petunia seemed to be very close.

Reading Lily's diaries were supposed to help her understand the woman who was Harry's mother, yet after just the first entry Hermione had more questions than answers. How would Harry relate to the child that his mother used to be? What about her adoration of her sister, a woman who had mistreated Harry his entire life? How would he be able to reconcile those differences? What happened between the sisters to cause the deep abiding hatred that Petunia felt? Hermione had to believe that it was more than just jealousy. Jealousy over looks, Lily's abilities, and yes, jealousy even over James. Gazing at the book she held in her lap, Hermione realized that it might, just might, contain answers to those questions as well as so much more. Focusing her thoughts back to the task at hand, Hermione turned to the next entry, dated about a month after the first and continued reading Lily's story.

_April 30, 1968_

_Yesterday was so much fun. Me and Petunia went to the park and played for the afternoon. Just the two of us. We sat on the swings and talked. About what we want to do when we grow up. Petunia said that she wanted to go to America. See New York and all the shopping there. She said that America isn't at all like England. For one thing, our entire country could fit in just one small part of America. I can't imagine living in a place that doesn't have moors and cliffs where the waves crash up against the shore. Maybe she'll take me with her. I would like to go anywhere in the world as long as my sister came with me. _

_Then it was my turn. I said that I wanted to grow up to be a teacher like Mrs. Creagle. As much as traveling sounds like fun, I want to stay close to home. Close to Mum and Dad. Close to Petunia. Teaching seems like such fun. Mrs. Creagle told me that I'm good at helping kids understand the math problem or how to read the chapter we're reading._

_We also talked about our weddings. I want Petunia to be my maid of honor. And she can wear purple. And have her hair all done up in curls. And I'd be all dressed in white. It would be a long flowing white gown, kinda like Grandma's wedding dress that I used to play dress up in when I was a little girl. There will be flowers everywhere. Roses and gardenias and tulips and daisies. In all colors. Pinks, purples, yellows, whites, and reds. And I'd be so happy and Petunia would hand me my bouquet and we'd walk together to the front of the church where Daddy would be waiting to hand me over to my husband. He'd be tall. And handsome. With kind eyes. And he'd adore me. But he wouldn't tease me like the way that Justin teases me at school. Julie says that Justin likes me and wants to kiss me. That's why he's always chasing me and pulling my hair and trying to get me to notice him. But I think that he's just trying to get attention. When I told Petunia about him, she agreed. He just wants attention. She suggested that I ignore him and see if that will stop his teasing. _

_Petunia told me what she wants at her wedding. She said that she really doesn't want to get married. She wants to travel the world before getting married. I'm a little shocked because I thought that every girl dreamed of getting married. But she played along with me anyway. I knew she was doing it for me, because she loves me and didn't want to make me cry. Anyway. Her wedding will be in some far away place like Egypt or something. I'd be her one bridesmaid. She said that she'd put me in green to show off my eyes. Why is everyone so into my eyes? They're just eyes. Everyone has them. So what if mine are green. We'd be standing on the shore of a lake and the sun would be setting as she and her husband said their vows. After we're both married, we'd live side by side and see each other every day!_

_Always,_

_Lily_

_May 16,1968_

_I got in trouble at school today. Only it wasn't my fault! I didn't know that that Justin would get hurt when I didn't touch him. All I did was tell him to leave me alone. And when he wouldn't, I wished that something would happen to him and he'd go away and leave me alone. The next thing I knew, Justin was lying on the ground holding tight to his tummy. Saying over and over that I needed to stop it. I was hurting him. How could I have hurt him when I didn't touch him. Mrs. Creagle wanted to know what had happened, so Julie was more than happy to share her version of the events. Mrs. Creagle made me sit in the time out corner for the rest of the day. It's not fair! I didn't do anything! I wish that Petunia were here. She'd save me._

_When Mum picked me up after school, Mrs. Creagle told her what had happened. Mum got a really scared look on her face as if she were afraid I'd harm her. When Mrs. Creagle asked Mum what was the matter, Mum said that it wasn't the first time that something had happened because I was annoyed or upset. I know that I had accidentally caused a fire in the kitchen when I was baking a cake and Petunia said something that mad me mad. But I didn't hurt Justin! What's wrong with me? Why am I so different? I still think that I'm adopted. It's the only reason I can think of for me not fitting in with my perfect family._

_Always,_

_Lily_

Hermione's heart went out to the little girl who was doing accidental magic. She knew that that was the cause of Lily's differences. The poor child had no idea that her life would change drastically because of her ability to do magic. She looked around the attic and the shadows that were lengthening. She realized that she needed to get back to Headquarters, give an update about what she found, and try to talk to Harry. With a weary sigh, Hermione stood, shook out the kinks from her cramped position and prepared to leave the attic. She knew she'd be back again tomorrow and the next day until she had completed Lily's story. Harry needed to know it. And she would be the one to tell him.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

In the gray pre-dawn light, Hermione slowly made her way down the muggy London streets. She reported to Headquarters the evening before and requested to return to the house today to look some more. The others were as concerned for Harry as she was. Her mission had changed since first going into the attic. It had changed because of the journals. Lily's diary. Now instead of being asked to find something useful for the Order, she had been asked to find a way to help Harry. He didn't know that she'd found Lily's diaries. He still thought that she was on a quest for the Order to find something that would aid in the war. As his best friend, the job of trying to help him fell to her. The others were doing all that they could, but he needed something. Something that hopefully would be found through the voice of his long dead mother. Maybe, once he read them, he'd find a measure of healing. Of hope. Maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to live again.

Pushing the melancholy thoughts out of her mind, Hermione focused on her surroundings. The risk of being found out was too great for her to Apparate to her destination, so she was forced to travel the Muggle way. In the grayness, the house came into view. Looking around quickly to see if anyone was watching, she uttered the spell that would take her into the house without setting off the magical alarms that the Order had put in place after yesterday's discovery. This way she could read without needing to be cautious. Or at least be less cautious than normal. The Order's protective spells offered her a measure of safety and security. Something she hadn't known in a long time.

Settling into one of the overstuffed arm chairs that she had discovered up in the attic, she opened the diary to the next entry.

_August 6, 1968_

_I don't know why Casey's mad at me. All were doing was playing dress-up. She said that she wanted to get some tea and cookies to have a tea party and then when she came back upstairs the cups were already full. And there were these delicious cookies sitting at our places. She thought that I had snuck them in somehow. I didn't do anything. I just wanted to help my friend out. So she left the room, and I wished for tea and cookies. I didn't think that they'd actually show up. When she asked me how they got here, I told her that they just appeared. They weren't there one second and then – POOF! There they were. She didn't believe me. So we had a fight and she told me to go home. That she didn't want to be my friend anymore. That I was weird. But I'm not weird. I'm normal. I don't know why these things happen to me! I really don't. I think that I'm scaring Mummy and Daddy. Accidents keep happening and we can't explain it. Even Petunia is afraid of what I might do. I wish that I knew what was happening to me!_

_After I came home crying, Petunia fixed me some milk and cookies and we tried to forget about Casey. She told me all about this boy that she saw in the park who was hanging upside down on the monkey bars. She thought that he was being a show-off. I'm glad that my sister and I agree that boys are stupid. Well except for Daddy of course. Daddy's a boy and he's not stupid. Her trick worked. It got me laughing and I forgot all about Casey until I came here to write in my diary. _

_When Daddy gave me this, I didn't think that I'd really write in it all that much. I have found out that I can write things in here that I can't tell Mum and Dad or Petunia. They wouldn't understand. Hopefully when school starts up again, my friends will have forgotten all about my accidents over the summer. I won't be able to stand spending a year without friends. Especially since Petunia won't be at the same school as me anymore. She gets to go to Secondary School now! What am I ever going to do without my protector?_

_Even though weird things happened when I'm around, my sister still loves me. She knows I'm different and that I don't fit in. She tries to make sure that she is always there to cheer me up. I'm afraid that when she goes to Secondary School that she's going start being mad because I'm different. I've seen how Julie's cousin treats his mum and dad because he's 13 years old now and he also pretends that Julie doesn't exist. I don't want that to happen with me and Petunia. _

_Always,_

_Lily_

_December 25, 1968_

_Well it's Christmas today. And it's the holidays. That means no school until January! Yay! I was waiting for Petunia to get home from her school the day that the holidays began. I'd missed my big sister so much. Sure we wrote letters to each other, but it wasn't the same as it was before she went away. I still don't know why she talked Mum and Dad into letting her go away to go to Secondary School. What was wrong with the one here? Anyway, when I saw the car pull up in the drive with Daddy and Petunia in it, I flew out of the house into the cold forgetting my coat and ignoring Mum who called to me, "Lillian! Don't go outside without your coat! It's too cold! You'll catch your death!" But I was already out the door and on my way to the car, braids streaming out behind me. I was so happy to see my sister that I called "Petunia" right before I tossed myself into her arms. "Hi Lily," she replied sorta distantly as she hugged me back. I knew then that something was different. I wanted to talk to her then to find out what was wrong but Daddy ushered us both into the house and Petunia hurried up the stairs. _

_At my crestfallen expression – see I'm using my new vocabulary words already! – Daddy hugged me tightly and told me "Smile Lily-girl. I'm sure that once the two of you talk, things will be fine. Let's enjoy Christmas." I nodded even though I was terribly confused._

_Anyway. I was determined not to ruin Christmas for the family and to enjoy my sister being home. I'd not gotten into trouble at school in a long time. Well ok, 2 weeks wasn't all that long, but at least no more accidents had happened since then. Petunia and I haven't had a chance to talk yet. I think that she's avoiding me. I mean she's told us some stories about her school and how she's become friends with this girl from Surrey named Stephanie. I've heard more about Stephanie in the last two days than I could really care to! And no, I'm not jealous. Petunia and I will always be best friends. Besides that we're sisters and no one will ever come between us. I came out of my thoughts in time to hear Petunia ask, "Is it okay if Stephanie comes over for a few days before we go back to school? I was hoping that she could stay with us and then both of us take the train back to school together." Neither Mum or Dad had a problem with it, so Petunia goes into the kitchen and telephones Stephanie to let her know that she can come in on Thursday._

_But back to today. Mum really outdid herself with the Christmas dinner. We had roasted goose mixed with a wine sauce. I think it was white. Mum let me make the Christmas cookies that we ate after dinner with mugs of cocoa and eggnog. Then we opened our presents. Daddy and Mum gave me the best present! It was, according to them, something that would help to realize once and for all that I wasn't adopted but was theirs all along. It was a portrait of Daddy's great-grandma Clarissa. And it wasn't the tiny brown and white one he'd shown me before. This was a REAL painting. Great-Grandma Clarissa has my red hair and my green eyes. She looks exactly like me. Well Mum says that she looks like how I'll look when I grow up. I asked Daddy how they found this and he told me that he'd asked his mum. "Granna Louise remembered __**her**__ mother telling her about how beautiful her mother, Clarissa, was. And the thing that she remembered the most was her red hair and green eyes," Daddy told me. I wanted to know what happened to Great-Grandma Clarissa. "Well my Lily-girl, Mother said that she died very young. My own grandmother only vaguely remembered her. The details of her death are mysterious and no one really knows what happened. All we know is that she was working on something and then the next thing we know she was dead. There wasn't a mark on her body at all. Very mysterious. You're the first in the family in generations to resemble her so much." I nodded wide-eyed while staring at the painting. I felt a kinship with the great-great grandmother I never knew and who died so tragically. Maybe I'm more like her then anyone even knows. Maybe it's more than how much I look like her. _

_Always,_

_Lily._

_January 5, 1969_

_Petunia's friend Stephanie came on the 29th. Before she got here, while Daddy had gone to pick her up from the station, Petunia pulled me aside to talk. "Promise me Lily," she began. "Promise me that you won't cause any accidents while Stephanie's here. I don't know how we'd explain it to her. She likes things normal, and all she knows is that my baby sister is a little different." I looked into Petunia's very serious dark eyes and found myself agreeing. I couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't do something, but I could at least promise to try. _

_Over the next few days, I found myself disliking Stephanie very strongly. I would try to fight those feelings simply because accidents tended to happen when I would get upset. Besides I'd promised Petunia. And I wanted to keep my promise._

_Stephanie didn't like me either. She kept trying to treat me like I was a baby. I'm not. I'm almost 9 years old. And the way that she was treating me was causing Petunia to distance herself from me. Almost as if she were afraid of hurting Stephanie's feelings by defending me, her little sister. Well I didn't like it. Not one bit! The way that my temper was building I knew that soon there would be an accident and it would make Petunia mad. And Stephanie would get hurt. I tried I really did. But on the last day that she was here, yesterday, things came to a head._

_I was reading by the fire in the library, not doing anything to bother Petunia and Stephanie. They walk into the library and Stephanie comes over and takes my book away from me. "Nancy Drew," she said with a sneer. "Only babies read that stuff." Then with a flip of her wrist, before I had a chance to say anything or Petunia to say something either, she tossed my book into the fire. That did it! I was livid – another new vocabulary word! I stood up and glared at Stephanie. "I'm not a baby," I yelled. As I was yelling, all of a sudden Stephanie had stretched to four times her height and was still stretching. "Lily, make her stop," Petunia screamed at me. "I can't. I don't know what happened," I replied back. "I didn't mean to hurt her. I was just mad at her and wanted my book back." Our shouts brought Mum and Dad running. When they saw Stephanie, they quickly put her in the car and took her to the hospital. Petunia went along after shooting me a disgusted look. _

_I waited and waited for them to come back. Finally they came back, without Stephanie. Petunia looks at me and stalks up the stairs to her room without so much as a word. Mum gives me a hug to soothe my fears and tells me that some specialists had arrived to take Stephanie to a special hospital. She'd get the best of care and be able to return to school with no memory of what had happened. Unfortunately for me, Mum and Dad realized now that my accidents were getting more and more serious. I'd heard them talking about sending me away to doctors to find out what is wrong with me. After another hug, I was told to go on to bed._

_On my way to my room, I stopped by Petunia's. "Petunia," I said softly as I knocked on her door. "I really am sorry." "Go away you freak," she hissed at me when she opened the door. "You're a freak. And now you've made it so that I will always be known as the older sister of that freak child. Why can't you just be normal!" After those words, she slammed her bedroom door in my face and left me standing in the hallway with tears running down my face._

_Why can't I be normal? Then everything would be ok._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_February 24, 1969_

_I'm sad today. The hamster that Mum and Dad gave me to help me feel better after Petunia was so mean died. One second it was just running around the round thing it plays in and I was watching it. Then the next thing that I knew my little hamster had stopped moving and was dead. I know that I didn't do anything to it. I picked it up out of its cage and took it into the kitchen to show Mum. She hugged me tightly and wiped the tears from my eyes. She then helped me find a small box and we lined it with one of her handkerchiefs. Then we buried it under the small elm tree in the back yard. No words were needed for us. It was just me and Mum sharing our sadness at the loss of my hamster. I'm glad that Mum was there with me._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_March 5, 1969_

_Things have been pretty crazy around the house lately. We're of course getting ready for the Easter holidays when Petunia comes home. How will she treat me? Mum and Dad have accepted the fact that I'm different. And they love me more than before it seems. Ever since the incident with Stephanie, they've been careful to make sure that I can't cause any more accidents. We don't know what else to call them other than accidents. So the three of us have fallen into a bit of a routine. We get up. Mum makes breakfast. I try not to shatter anything. Daddy takes me to school and tells me that I'm his Lily-girl. Mum picks me up and we go home. Daddy comes home from work and brings Mum flowers and me something. Like the hamster. Or a new book. Or some paper and crayons so that I can draw. It's comfortable. We like it. I sometimes get to go play with Julie. She's the only one of my friends who doesn't treat me differently. Julie doesn't understand why odd things happen around me but she's accepted the fact that they just do. It doesn't change the fact that I'm still me – Lillian Michelle Evans – her best friend. Thank goodness for Julie. Mum has talked about letting me spend a couple of days over at Julie's once Petunia comes home, but that's only if she and I can't get along. I know that I'm going to do everything that I can to get along with my sister. I mean she's my sister. Sure, she hurt me with what she called me, but that doesn't change the fact that I still love her. I probably always will. _

_But anyway, we've been giving the house a real spring cleaning. Mum has had me in the attic beating out rugs and sweeping out cobwebs. It's not my idea of fun let me tell you that! But it is kinda nice to be able to beat a rug til its clean and when I started it I was mad and by the end I'm not mad anymore. I guess that what everyone says about hard work making your anger go away is true. I certainly feel better after a good rug beating._

_I'd better go. Mum's calling me._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_March 27, 1969_

_Today is my birthday. I can't believe that I've been writing in this diary for a year already! When Daddy gave it to me last year, I thought that for sure I'd write only once or twice. But no! I've managed to fill its pages. In fact today's entry is the last one. I'm out of room to write more. But I'm grateful that Daddy realized how important this is to me and he presented me another diary this morning at breakfast._

_Easter was a trial. Petunia and I spent the holidays in an uneasy truce. We didn't go out and play or really spend time together. We were polite around one another. It was really hard for me. I wanted my sister back. Back the way she was before I accidentally hurt Stephanie. We did have one pretty good talk. Well as good as things can get between us now. "Petunia," I asked her timidly. "How is Stephanie?" Petunia gave a huge sigh before she answered me. "Well Lily, I know that you really didn't mean to hurt her. I really do know that. She's ok, I guess. She doesn't want to be around me anymore. Almost as if she's afraid that what happened to her because of you is catching." "You mean, she's afraid that you will do something to her," I asked to make sure that I understood. "Yes," she told me. "Lily I wish you were normal like you used to be," she said as she walked away. That's all the talking we did the entire holidays. The rest of the time, she avoided me whenever possible. It hurts my heart to know that my sister still thinks that I'm a freak. _

_I'm so glad that I have this diary. Julie told me today at lunch after she gave me my birthday present that next term her she'll be in America. Her dad's taken a job there. And he's already over there. She and her mum and her brother and her sister. Something about her family needing this opportunity. She told me that she wanted to stay here with me. Because when she goes, who will look out for me? We both cried. Because she's right. Without Julie, I won't have anyone. But she did give me this absolutely beautiful silver bracelet as my birthday present. It's a charm bracelet. With three charms already on it. One charm is of two little girls hugging. The next two charms are of the United States and the United Kingdom. There's a little heart between them. Julie told me, "No matter how far apart we will be, our hearts are always going to be connected. I promise that I'll write to you every week in America and I'll look forward to getting your letters as well." "I'll write you every week too," I told her as I hugged her. "Thanks. This is the best present I've ever gotten." "Even more than that portrait of your great-great grandmum," she asked with a grin. She knows how much I adore the portrait of Great-great grandmother Clarissa. _

_Oh no! I'm smudging the page with my tears._

_Always,_

_Lily_

Hermione wiped away her own tears as she closed the diary of eight-year old Lily. The poor girl. She wished that she'd had a chance to know her. She had a feeling that she and Lily would have been kindred spirits. Yes, Harry needed these books. Lily's young life could serve as a balm to her only son. But would he really try to understand the message that Hermione picked up on loud and clear through just this first book? That love is the most important thing in life. No wonder Harry spent his entire life so protected from Voldemort. Lily's capacity to love and to love deeply made her who she was. Hermione's mind was whirling with ways in which Lily's diaries could help Harry. But not until she had read the entire story would she give them to him. With a sigh, she picked up the next book – the one written by the nine-year old Lily.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_April 17, 1969_

_There are only a few weeks left before Julie moves away. I want to do something special for her, but I don't know what. Mum doesn't have any ideas either. So I think that I'll end up making her something really special. I don't have enough time to crochet her a blanket, but that's ok. I'm horrible at crocheting. I'll just have to think about it some more._

_We have been given the most funest project ever at school! We were told to pick a member in the family that we want to know more about and write a paper about them. What their life was like. What made them who they are. And why we picked them. Well it's certainly not hard for me to figure out who I want to research. Great-great Grandma Clarissa. Let's see. What do I know about her? Well, she had red hair and green eyes like me. She had a daughter named, hmm I don't know. I'll ask Daddy. Anyway, she had a granddaughter named Louise, that's my granna and Daddy's mum. Clarissa died young. And it was very mysterious. Her daughter hardly remembers her. Oh good! Daddy's home! I can ask him some questions!_

_"Daddy," I exclaimed as I ran down the stairs. "We have the most awesome project for school and I need your help!"_

_"Slow down Lily-girl. What do you need me to build you?"_

_"Nothing. I have questions for you to answer."_

_"Very well then, let's go sit down on the sofa and ask away, but first why don't you tell me all about this project."_

_We settled onto the sofa and I told him that I needed to write a paper about a family member and I'd picked his great-grandma Clarissa. With a grin, he nodded at me to continue. I think that he knew as soon as he heard the details of the project who I would pick. Anyway. "You'd told me that Clarissa had died young. How old was she when she died? What year was that? When was she born? What's your grandmother's name? Who did she marry? Does Granna have anything that will help me with this paper? Or can we go to the library and I try to find some stuff?"_

_"Whoa there Lily-girl. I'll answer as many as your questions as I can, I promise. Of course we'll go see your grandmother and go to the library. Maybe over the weekend. We'll see. Now first, my grandmother's name was Allena, but everyone called her 'Lena.' She was only 3 years old when her mother died. So that means that Clarissa died in 1877. And yes she was young, only nineteen. If I'm figuring out the math right, Clarissa was born in 1858. My grandmother used to tell me stories about how her mother had spent her life in a small village in Wales. That is until she met the man she later married. After Clarissa's death, her husband took their small daughter and moved to the English countryside. Grandmother would tell me that he rarely spoke of her mother except to tell her to watch herself so that she wouldn't end up like her mother. She thought that her father wanted to erase all traces of Clarissa and her life. That's one of the reasons that Grandmother was called 'Lena' instead of Allena. Lena made for a much more proper sounding English name and not a Welsh one. Anything else that you need for your paper, we'll have to go to your grandmother's. I can only just remember the stories that my grandmother would tell me of her early years. I'm sure that Mum knows more and may even have some journals or things for you to look through."_

_"Thanks Daddy. I want to know all I can about Clarissa."_

_The way I figured things out was that the more I know about Clarissa, then the more likely I am to find out something about myself too._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_April 23, 1969_

_The weekend was packed full with things! Daddy and I went to the library on Friday to find out some information about Great-great Grandma Clarissa. There wasn't much. Just an article in the paper saying that Clarissa Dale died in her home on Sunday June 25, 1877. We did get to get a copy of the article. Daddy said it was actually her obituary. I don't know what that means, but he told me that it's the notice that the paper prints when somebody dies. Here's what hers said: '__**Clarissa Mauve Breese Dale died in her home on Sunday the 25**__**th**__** of June in the year of our Lord 1877. She was found by her husband, Jerome Dale, a local carpenter. Details surrounding her death have not been released. It is assumed that she died quietly. Clarissa Mauve Breese Dale was born on 10**__**th**__** May 1858 in Carmarthen to Brychan and Eleri Breese, the 7**__**th**__** and youngest child of their union. She married Jerome Dale of Dover, England in 1873 and gave birth to a daughter in 1874. The Dales settled in Brecon in 1875. Mrs. Dale is survived by her husband, Jerome, and her three year old daughter, Allena. Services were held privately at St. Thomas's Chapel on Tuesday. Mr. Dale has since left the area with his daughter to return to his family in England.**__' Well, that's certainly not very helpful other than telling me that Clarissa was born in Wales and that her husband moved back to England after her death. I wonder why he left._

_Anyway on Saturday, Daddy took me over to Granna Louise's house. She had cookies. She told Daddy to come back for me later since he wouldn't want to hear all the stories she was going to tell me! She took me into the cozy living room and began telling me what she knew about her grandmother._

_"Lily," she started out. "I can only tell you what my mum had told me about your great-great grandmother. She died when my mum was 3 years old. I grew up listening to stories of Mum's early years in Brecon, Wales. Mum always told me that her mother was beautiful. She had long flowing red hair and fiery green eyes. Like emeralds she remembers Grandpa referring to them as. She was a kind woman. She loved the children in the village and would be frequently found in the green playing with one or five of them. Grandpa didn't like to talk about her very much. He was always afraid that Mum would end up just like her."_

_"End up just like her? What does that mean," I needed to know._

_"I think that he meant that her death. It was very mysterious. She was so young. There wasn't any real reason as to why she died. She just did. But I digress. Back to Clarissa. Clarissa had what is often referred to as the Second Sight. She would get visions and premonitions about things to come. Mum said that the people in the village put more faith in her visions than in what the vicar would say in church on Sundays. It made the vicar mad, but he realized that Clarissa didn't ask for the villagers to exalt her the way that they did. Clarissa was an accomplished nurse. She used all sorts of herbal remedies and things to cure all sorts of illnesses. Mum remembers times when her mother would take a look at a broken bone, touch it, and all of a sudden it looked as good as new. No, it wasn't a miracle. It was just something that she did. She would do other odd things too. But they were just things that she did to help others out. Grandpa always said that Breeses were an odd family. But they were loved."_

_"Granna, how did Clarissa learn to read?"_

_"I've always believed that her mother taught her. I think that she did go off to school for a few years. And while she was gone, she met my grandfather. It was love at first sight for them both. He fell in love with her beauty and her gentleness. She loved his ability to create things. And that he accepted her for who she was. Her parents didn't approve of her marrying someone so very different than them. So they ran away and married in secret. When her parents found out, they were furious, but it was too late. Clarissa was already expecting Mum. So her parents decided to accept the way things were and allowed Clarissa and Grandpa to live with them until the baby was born. Unfortunately for them, Clarissa had a hard time delivering Mum and was ill for several months afterwards. When she recovered, Grandpa decided it was time for them to move and they moved to Brecon. I think that he'd actually planned to move on back to England, but Clarissa loved her Welsh homeland so much that he couldn't deny her anything._

_"Mum found among her father's things when he died a book that he'd kept all through the years. She was curious and opened it up and found a letter from Clarissa to Grandpa. She let me have it just before she died. Would you like for me to read it to you Lillian?"_

_I couldn't help but nod wide-eyed at Granna Louise. Perhaps I'd get a few answers._

_"'__**Darling Jerome, Thank you for loving me through these difficult years. I realize that things haven't been easy on you. Especially since you met me and my family. We can't help what we are. I know you've accepted me, but my parents always wanted me to marry one of my own kind. I don't love you any less because you're not one of us. In fact, I love you more. Should something happen to me, I want you to take our daughter far away from here and my family. She'll be better off not knowing what exactly my family is. I wish now that I'd not stopped you from taking us to England after Allena was born. I know you understood though how much I loved Wales. Thank you for giving up your dream to settle here with me. **_

_**I still can't tell you exactly what I am, though I'm sure you have probably figured it out. Especially if Allena or the baby- yes that's right, we're having another child! Especially if either Allena or the babe display my abilities. Should they do, please go to London. There will be friends there who can help. **_

_**Oh dearest. I am so excited about this new babe! I know that it's a risk to my health to have another child, but dear one, don't worry. I shall be fine. I so want to give you a strong strapping son to carry on the family name. Don't be angry with me my love. You've told me over and over that Allena is more than enough for you. Yet I see the yearning in your eyes when I am playing the children on the green or holding a babe while visiting with the ladies after church on Sundays. I did something to ensure that I'd be able to become a mother again. It's what you want most in the world my love. Darling, this child will be born this winter. I know that. **_

_**Oh dearest, I love you so much! I canna stand being away from you for even a moment, but I must go. The children call to me. **_

_**I am, and shall remain, your faithful beloved wife,**_

_**Clarissa Mauve Breese Dale**__'"_

_"Wow. That was quite a letter," I told Granna. _

_"Yes, my child it was. The saddest part is that she wrote this letter only days before she died."_

_"So she was pregnant when she died?"_

_"Yes. Here Lily, it's yours to keep."_

_I treasured the letter. After Granna handed it to me, I gently folded it into my jeans pocket. And now, it's tucked safely inside the pages of you, my diary. Poor Clarissa. She lived a tragic life. I think that I have enough information for my paper now._

_Always,_

_Lily_

Hermione thumbed through the pages looking for the letter. When she found it, she glanced at it very carefully. She wanted to see if by chance Lily's writing had been wrong and Clarissa did admit that she was a witch. It certainly seemed to be an obvious conclusion to be drawn from the things that Lily had written about. But no, it said nothing about being a witch. She read through it again and felt so sad for Harry's great-great-great grandmother who had died pregnant. And so young. Evidently young tragic deaths ran in his family. His parents. Lily's great-great grandmother Clarissa. She could only hope that history would not repeat itself again with him.

Shaking her head, she moved on to the next entry.

_May 10, 1969_

_I got an A on my paper about Great-great Grandma Clarissa. Mrs. Levine was very impressed with all the detail that I'd put into it. She wanted to know if I had ever thought of becoming a writer or a reporter. I had to laugh. Yes, I had fun digging into my family's past and finding information out about Clarissa. I felt much like Nancy Drew on one of her cases. But, I don't want to write or be a reporter. That's just such a boring job. I want to do something fun. Something that will help others. Maybe be a nurse or a teacher. I don't know. _

_Julie moves on Saturday. Her mum has managed to convince the school to allow her to take exams early so that she can join her dad in America straight-away. I really don't want Julie to go away. I'm going to miss her so much. She's been like a balm to my hurt spirit ever since Petunia and I stopped really speaking to each other. I'm going to give Julie a bracelet much like the one that she gave me. Only instead of it being sliver and being a charm bracelet, it will be gold with our names engraved in jade across it. I want it to say on one side of the place where our names are at "Distance preserves friendship." I want the other side to say "Lillian "Lily" Michelle Evans & Julie Irene Lawndale, Faithful friends. 1969." I told Mum about it and she thinks it sounds like a beautiful idea._

_I think I'm going to try to spend the summer talking Daddy into letting me be tutored next school year. Without Julie with me, I'm going to be truly alone. I know that I'll have an easier time talking Daddy into letting me not go to school than I will Mum. Daddy can then talk Mum into it. I think it would be better for me to be tutored. I can't go back to school without Julie. And besides, we'd have less likely of a chance of my having accidents again and again if I get to be tutored at home. I'll have to plan my approach carefully._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_July 25, 1969_

_This summer has been pretty horrid. Julie's not here. Petunia and I don't do anything together anymore. I feel like I have no friends left in the world. Next term at school doesn't appear to be looking up any either. I'm doing everything that I can to convince Mum and Dad to allow me to be tutored. I think that Daddy's all for it. He likes to have me around at home. I'm his little princess and he spoils me terribly. Mum's thinking about it. She knows it's the safest place for me so that I don't cause any more accidents at school, but she's worried about how much I will actually do my school work. I think I can promise her that my schoolwork won't suffer. Especially if I'm given projects like the one I did on Clarissa. Petunia's been complaining that it isn't fair that I get to do what ever I want when I want to. She thinks that I need to stay at the school and just deal with the fact that I have no friends. But, you know what? I don't get to do whatever I want. It's not like I always ask for this thing or that thing and Mum and Dad get it for me! In fact, I often find myself wishing that I could do some of the things that Petunia gets to do, like stay out past 9:00 and spend weekends at a friend's. But no. I can't. Mum and Dad are afraid that I will do something and want to keep me close. I find it sorta annoying, really._

_Always, _

_Lily_

Hermione had to laugh as she read about Lily's words about not being able to do the things that Petunia got to do. How well she remembered the awkward days of young childhood before receiving her own Hogwarts letter and having her life changed in an instant. With another chuckle, she turned the page to the next entry.

_September 5, 1969_

_Oh my goodness! I can't believe that I actually managed to convince Mum to allow me to be tutored at home this year! Petunia didn't think I'd be able to, and I fully expected to find myself back at junior school this year instead of being taught at home, but Mum gave in at the end! This is absolutely wonderful! My new tutor is named Mr. Goshen. I'm a little nervous about meeting him, but he comes highly recommended to us, and Daddy always says that nothing but the best for his little Lily-girl. Anyway, Mr. Goshen will be arriving tomorrow morning, so I have to be ready for school starting then. I wonder what sort of a schedule he's going to make me keep? Will he be cruel? What sorts of projects will I be asked to do? Will I be asked to make some presentations? What about outings? Will we make trips to the zoo or to London to the museums? I'm too excited to be doing what I should be doing right now, and that's sleeping! So, I'm writing. I think I'm rather running on at the moment, but if I can't sleep why not write in you, diary._

_Let's see. What else can I write about? Hmmmm. I know! Let me tell you about Petunia's birthday. She turned 12 on Friday. It was right before she left to go back to her school. She's my sister, so of course I got her something. I don't think that she liked it very much. It's almost as if she doesn't want me around her anymore. And I know it's because I'm different. I look different, and do strange things that I can't explain. All she wants is to be normal. Anyway, back to my present. I got her a book about New York and the shows on the street called Broadway. It had lots of pictures in it and I wrote in the beginning of it "Petunia, May all the dreams that we shared come true one day. Lily." I really don't think that she liked it. Oh she was impressed with it because it was about New York, but because it came from me, well, yeah. Not her favorite present. _

_Daddy told me that Granna Louise is sick. I hope she gets better. She's my favorite grandmother. Yes, I know she's my only grandmother, but that still means that she's my favorite. Maybe she just has a cold or something. All I know is that she tells some of the most wonderful stories ever!_

_Oh no! I hear Daddy on the stairs! I know he's about to come in here to see why I'm still up and not sleeping and getting my "beauty sleep!" I'd better go!_

_Always,_

_Lily_


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_October, 7, 1969_

_I hate my new tutor! I almost wish that I could go back to junior school where I'd be alone! Mr. Goshen treats me like a baby! And I'm not. I'm almost 10 years old. He thinks that the reason Mum and Daddy asked to have me tutored was because I'm slow and stupid. He spends his days going over and over the basic alphabet and simple rules for reading. He's making me so mad! Mum's tried to tell him that I am not slow or stupid. That I'm just different. He just doesn't get it. The sad thing is, I heard Mum and Daddy talking about it, that they can't fire him because then they'd be in a breach of his contract and he'd take them to court and sue them until we were all bankrupt! But we all know that if he keeps going at this rate, something is going to happen to him. Because I'll get mad and do something. One of my accidents that happens when I get mad. They're the reason I'm being tutored anyway. Mum doesn't want to take chances, so she's starting to join us in the schoolroom in the mornings. It's a little easier for me to control my temper when she's there, but only slightly._

_I think I've come up with an idea to show Mr. Goshen that I'm not a baby. He's assigned me to write 5 paragraphs about some picture book. I've decided that I'll write the 5 paragraphs and then give him a detailed report about one of my books. He'd have to see then that I'm smarter than a 6-year old!_

_I got a letter from Julie yesterday. I miss her so much! She was telling me all about her school and how the kids laugh at her because of her accent. She doesn't like living in the city. She misses me and the moors that her family would visit on the weekends. She wants to come back. The teachers at her school put her in the 4__th__ grade. She said that it's really boring work. All they do is read from a reader, write an essay, and practice multiplication facts. They never have anything fun like the ancestry project we did last year. Trust me, I know how she's feeling._

_Last night, I had the strangest dream. I was with this guy who had dark hair and glasses. And we were wandering through the halls of what seemed to be a castle. I don't know. Then the dream suddenly shifted and we weren't in the castle but in a house. Just the two of us and there were all of these weird things around us. And the people outside would walk right by as if they didn't even notice the house. It's not like the house was invisible or anything like that. The people just didn't see it. I don't know how they could have missed it being as ornate as it was. I've never had any dreams like this before. I wonder what could have brought it on. Let's see, what did I watch on television last night? Hmmmm. No, I didn't actually watch anything so it can't be a nightmare based from tv. I'm probably just being silly and that this was just a random dream, but it seemed so real! It seemed like I really knew both the boy and the castle. And then the house. I knew that too. Well, at least I know that I can always write my weird dreams down inside of your pages, diary. _

_Always, _

_Lily_

_November 23, 1969_

_Well, my ploy to get Mr. Goshen to understand that I'm not a baby worked. He's stopped treating me like I'm stupid and has begun to give me real work. In fact, since I've shown such an interest in medicine, he's planning on taking me to London to visit the hospital there. He's going to let me ask all sorts of questions._

_Daddy was watching the news last night and was talking about the United States being in Vietnam. Julie's latest letter mentioned it as well. She said that the people in the States don't support their president with this war. Julie said that her dad got shipped out and now her mum is working in a factory to just try to keep the family fed. It's so sad. I don't know why the United States needed to get involved. I'm glad that England didn't see the need to get involved as well. Why can't everybody just along?_

_Petunia sent a letter the other day. She said that she and Stephanie are becoming really good friends and that she wants to go over to Stephanie's for the holidays. I think that Mum will let her. We certainly can't have Stephanie back over here. Evidently, I'm too strange for her. And we don't want a repeat of what happened last time that she was here. I guess I'm happy that Petunia will get to spend time with her friend, but I miss my sister. I wish that she would accept me for being the different person that I am and not be mean or hate me because I'm different._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_January, 1, 1970_

_Happy New Year! I had another strange dream last night. In this one, I was with that same boy again. We were outside sitting beneath a willow tree beside a beautiful lake, when this group of people came up. Before I could really tell what was going on, the boy was on his feet shouting the most awful things at these people. And the weirdest part was what was happening to the people he was shouting at. They would fall over or have skin eruptions or stuff like that. It's like it was magic. I know that magic doesn't really exist, but that boy did something to them. And the thing is, is that I seemed to understand exactly what they were saying. Evidently, they were calling me some name. What was it? Maybe I can remember. Think, think, think. No, the name's escaping me, but whatever it was, I know that it was a really bad name._

_Granna Louise is not shaking that cold that she's had for a few months. I want to help her get better, but I'm not a doctor. And I know nothing about nursing. Even my trip to the hospital in London didn't really help me come up with ideas in which she'd get better. Daddy took me over there with him the other day to see her and she looked awful. Not at all like the Granna Louise who baked wonderful cookies and shared Clarissa's story with me. Daddy says she's dying. And that it's only a matter of time before she dies. I don't want her to die. It seems like everyone that I love goes away. First Petunia. Then Julie. And now Granna Louise. I don't know what I'll do if something happens to Mum and Dad. Daddy says that she has this disease called cancer. And it's killing her. Oh how I wish that I could just take away all of her pain and I'd have my Granna back!_

_Julie's last letter was very much filled with regrets about moving to the States. The kids in her class have started to treat her like she's made of glass now. They're doing that because they don't want to upset her. See, her dad is missing in Vietnam. And her mum is terrified that he's dead. So her mum has started drinking and poor Julie. She's having to spend all of her time taking care of her brother and sister since her mum can't take care of herself let alone the children. Julie said that if only they'd stayed here then things would have been better. Her dad wouldn't be missing. Her mum wouldn't be in such a state. She'd be happy. She'd have me. My poor friend._

_Always,_

_Lily_

Hermione paused to wipe the tears from her cheeks as she closed the pages of the journal. She'd read about all that she could handle for today. These journals had to be preserved to get to Harry. He certainly needed them. He'd realize that his mother was a deep person. Deeper even than any of the old Order members probably realized. No wonder Lily was so great with potions. At one point, she'd been interested in medicine. Hermione wondered as she left the safety of the house if Lily was a Seer. No one seemed willing to talk much about Lily and those dreams of hers. If she were a betting woman, she'd have to say that Lily had dreamt of James and Hogwarts and the house in Godric's Hollow. Yet when the story was complete, would it truly be as she hoped? Something to help Harry. To help him return to those who love him?

Slipping out into London's grey pre-dawn streets, Hermione silently made her way back to the house. She was hoping to arrive undetected and that her presence, or lack there of, at headquarters would be unnoticed today. Though Harry was finally beginning to show signs that he cared. Hermione was finding herself using all her wits in order to keep her mission a secret. The time wasn't right yet for him to know. Not until she'd finished Lily's story. If then. He was too distraught and unreliable to accept that he needed help. Help that only his mother could provide. Besides Harry wasn't the only thing on her mind this day. She'd heard reports of more turmoil and could only begin to suspect who was causing it. Obviously not Voldemort, having been dead these past three years. But still, there was something sinister in the reports. She couldn't afford to be put off her guard.

She approached the stone steps with caution. Seeing nothing to cause her alarm, she quickly slipped into the house, setting the alarms behind her. She made her way once again to her cozy corner in the attic. Caressing the leather bound journal holding Lily's words, she soon found her place and was transported back into Lily's world. Yet unbeknownst to her, someone had noticed her stealthy movements away from headquarters and followed her, biding time to invade her safe haven.

_March 27, 1970_

_10 years old today! That's what I am. This is my first birthday without Julie. I got another letter from her yesterday. She writes more and more about her mum being a mess and how she's worried that her dad may not be coming home, but in fact be dead. She said that they got a telegram which said that all attempts to recover her father were a loss. She said that the telegram went on to say that 'as of' some date, she couldn't remember, 'the Army has decided to declare Sergeant First Class Gerald Thomas Lawndale to be officially Killed in Action'. Killed! Julie's dad is dead. Julie also told me that she doesn't know how to deal with her mum, her brother and sister, and still be expected to live and figure out a way to support the family. Oh how I wish we could bring her back here! My poor, poor best friend! I feel so sad for her. Perhaps, I'll ask Mum if I can go to her. But she'll probably say "No you're too young!" Oh well._

_Anyway about my birthday. Mr. Goshen cancelled my lessons today! Yay! No school on my birthday! And to think that he did this without my causing any accidents! He did give me a pretty cool birthday present. He gave me the latest Beatles record and I know that Petunia will be jealous. She loves the Beatles. She has pictures of John, Paul, George, and Ringo all over her room. I think that her favorite is Ringo. Whatever. I think that they're really pretty silly with that hair in their eyes all the time. I don't know what she likes them for. I mean their music is ok and everything. I just find that they're really rather boring._

_I had another dream about that castle. I've asked Mr. Goshen if he knows of any castles fitting that description here in England and he said No. Bummer. But he did decide to combine History, Science, Math, and Language to give me a project. I shoulda known better than to ask him. All it got me was more homework. But this project does seem to be fun. I'm to research European castles if the 16__th__ Century or the Middle Ages, my choice, and write out a story about the people who may have lived there during that time. What they wore, what they ate, what the castle was used for. That sort of stuff. Plus I'm supposed to build a miniature replica of the castle. And it's due at the end of the term. This will be fun. Granna Louise has TONS of books about castles. I'll see if Daddy can take me over there on Saturday. And maybe Mum will let me bake some scones to take over there. I know Granna's been sick so I don't want to be a bother. But it will still be loads of fun._

_Petunia phoned the other day. It's funny how much better we get along when she's not here having to see me being strange. We talked a few minutes and she wished me a happy birthday. That totally made my day! My sister being nice to me and giving me birthday wishes! Reminds me of the days before. Before I became different. Before she went away._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_April 5, 1970,_

_Daddy took me to Granna Louise's yesterday. Mum even let me bake some scones for her. And I didn't burn them either! I was excited because I was going to be able to spend the entire day pouring through Granna's books on castles of England, Scotland, and Europe. Granna was glad to see me, but she doesn't look like the Granna I've known my entire life. Her pretty blue eyes that used to be so full of life were dull and watery-looking. And her hair. Where was all of her snowy tresses—look I'm using a new vocabulary word! – that hung down to her waist? It wasn't there. What remained of her hair was dull and lifeless and kept falling out in chunks. Daddy says it's the medicine she's got take to fight this sickness, but I don't like it! She looked like she weighed about as much as me and I only weigh 70 pounds! But as soon as she saw me and she hugged me, I knew she was __**my**__ same old Granna!_

_Granna has so many books about castles! This is great. I'll be able to find everything I need to do my project. I think it'd be awesome if I were able to find that castle that I keep dreaming about. That's my plan. Search through the books until I find either that one or another one that looks interesting. I brought home a book about castles in England, another one of Scottish castles, another one of castles in Wales, and one about castles in Ireland. But what country to do? I've lived in England my entire life and the only castle I know of is Buckingham Palace. But that one doesn't really interest me. I think I'll sleep on it. Right now, I'm sleepy and maybe I'll have a brainwave and know exactly which one to do when I wake up._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_May 1, 1970_

_Granna died last night. Daddy woke me up to tell me. Why did she have to get sick? Why couldn't the doctors heal her? Why? Why? Why? It's not fair either! What did Granna do that made God mad at her? I've decided that I want to be a doctor or a researcher when I grow up. I want to find a cure for cancer so that other people who have it will get better. When I told Daddy and Mum this morning about my goal, they smiled and told me that it was a noble goal. And that perhaps I'd be the one to find the cure! The funeral for Granna will be after Petunia gets here. Mum rang her school up and told the headmaster and now Petunia's on a train back. She should get here sometime tomorrow, Mum says. I'm not going to cry at the funeral. I refuse to. I love Granna and she wouldn't want me to cry. She'd want me to be happy. So I'm going to pretend to be happy at least._

_Mr. Goshen learned first hand of my accidents today. I was so upset over Granna that when he told me to do something during lessons, I accidentally caused the desk to catch fire. Fire's a new one. I've not had that happen before. But thankfully, he managed to put it out rather quickly and then he went to talk with Mum. I heard what they were talking about from my place in the open door. "Mrs. Evans," Mr. Goshen said as he approached Mum. "There's been a bit of an accident in the schoolroom." "What happened," Mum asked him. "Well, ma'am, it seems that the desk caught on fire. I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but it did." "Mr. Goshen, what was Lily's state of mind," Mum asked and I could hear both the long-suffering and the slight humor in her voice. "Well, she was obviously upset over the news of her grandmother. Why do you ask?" "You're not hurt then are you? No. Well at least there's no harm done. Lily's different as I'm sure you've come to realize these past months. Occasionally when she's feeling rather strong emotions, things happen. Things we can't explain. It's the main reason why Lily's not in public school anymore. We couldn't take the chance that she may cause harm to someone without knowing what she's done. These past few months under your tutelage, she's blossomed. She's excited about learning and you're challenging her. She's also not had as many accidents. The few she's had since you began working with her have occurred only when her sister is home on holiday. So you see, as long as you're not hurt, there's nothing to worry about." "But, Mrs. Evan, what should I do about it?" "Nothing. She doesn't know what causes it. She knows that she can't control it and it wouldn't do any good to bring it to her attention. Her father will speak with her later about her lack of control." "So you're saying that I should treat it as if nothing has happened?" "Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. Do you think that you can do that? At least now you're aware that things happen with Lily." "Well, I can't say that I can forget it, but I can try to treat her the same as always." Finally! A teacher who will treat me as normal despite the fact that I have accidents. I feel really awful about the desk though. I certainly didn't mean to catch it on fire._

_My castle project is coming along nicely. I've decided to study Bamburgh Castle in Northumberland. It's on the North Sea and looks about as close to the one that I keep dreaming about as I'll ever get! More on that later._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_May, 16, 1970_

_I've finished all of my data gathering for my project. This is what I found out about Bamburgh Castle. It was built around the year 547. Wow! That's a long time ago. That's before even the Normans invaded England. I remember that from one of my history lessons. Anyway. Back to what I've found out. There was this king called Ida who liked to be known as The Flamebearer. And this king had already conquered Northumberland. This was a large kingdom with the capital being Bamburgh. How the settlement got its name was by the king's grandson giving it to his wife. It's interesting to realize that though there has been a castle on the grounds since forever ago, it wasn't until the Normans invaded that the castle that stands now started to take shape. I guess that they needed a better fortified stronghold to keep the invaders out. OK, back to my findings. There was a war in 1453 called the War of the Roses. And thatwar caused the castle to fall apart. Guess I'm going to have to ask Mr. Goshen about that war. Why was it called that? But, anyway, Bamburgh Castle had up til then been owned by the royal family. And Elizabeth I decided that she was going to be nice to some guy and give him the lands and the castle. This guy was Claudius Forster. Mainly she wanted to give him this castle to help keep the Scots out of England. Evidently this guy was some sort of general or something. Anyway, he was able to live in the castle and use it as a means of protection to help prevent the Scots from getting in. Oh wow! The walls of this castle were somewhere between 9 and 12 feet thick! WOW!!!! _

_This next bit is really rather interesting. One of the 13 kids that Claudius Forster had, was named Tom. This Tom was a part of the Jacobite Rebellion of 1715. He was broke when he decided to join the rebellion. The people involved in the rebellion thought that here was this man from a wealthy family promptly promoted him to a position of General! Yet this man didn't even last through one battle. He took one look at his enemies and immediately gave up. He got tossed into prison. His sister, Dorothy, heard about him being in prison and decided to go visit him. She brought her maid along on these visit until the last one. Miss Dorothy decided to wear her maid's clothing underneath her own. And then let her brother dress in the maid's clothes and together the two of them walked out of the prison! Dorothy hid her brother in the castle for about two years before he escaped to France. I think that I'll write my story for the project about Miss Dorothy and General Tom. _

_By the time that Tom managed to get away to France, the Forster family was flat broke. So the castle and grounds came up for sale. It was bought by a Lord Crewe, Bishop of Durham. He set it up so that the people would start making a profit. He set up a schoolroom inside the castle to train girls for becoming servants. And developed a system of signals to alert sea captains about dangerous things. In the late 1800's, the castle and grounds fell into the hands of the Armstrong family, where it remains today. This family started the restoration process of it and that process cost one million pounds to complete!_

_It was nice to have Petunia home for the few days of Granna's funeral. She was actually nice to me again. It's almost as if for this time we can forget about me being different and we could be sisters again. Anyway, I was telling her all about this project and she –_

Hermione pulled her eyes away from the page she was on and glanced around her cozy attic nest, thinking she'd heard something. She silently checked on the wards that had been put in place in the attic and around her. Nothing was amiss. Not willing to venture down the stairs and leave Lily's story, she dismissed the noise she'd heard as a mouse or a rat and focused back on the page in front of her, yet there was someone there. Someone who was waiting for the appropriate time to make their presence known.

_Anyway, I was telling her all about this project and she actually was impressed that I wasn't doing something lame or just looking at Buckingham Palace. I'd actually gone through the trouble to find a castle I'd never heard about before and research it to the best of my abilities. "Lily," Petunia tentatively said. "May I read your story once you have it written?" Of course I told her yes! I can't deny my sister anything. I can't wait to write to Julie about this!_

_Always,_

_Lily_


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_June 1, 1970_

_Daddy gave me a new diary as always for my birthday, but I'd not needed it until today. It's kinda fun to realize that I'm starting my 3__rd__ diary already! I've got my story for Mr. Goshen about Miss Dorothy and General Tom finished. But I wanted to write it in here before I turn it in that way I'll always have it to read whenever I feel like it._

_**It was the evening before the battle. Both sides were set to exchange fire at dawn of the next day. The general's tent sat off apart from those of the common soldiers. He'd only just arrived in the encampment late that evening and as yet had not made an appearance before his men. They knew of course that he'd arrived having been informed that the wealthy son of a nobleman had been placed in charge of their forces. The experienced soldiers laughed at the thought of having a greenhorn in command. Already wagers were being placed to see how long this general would last on the field.**_

_**"General." General Tom heard an insistent voice heralding him out of his deep slumber. "General – Sir. You must get up. The men need to see you before it all begins."**_

_**General Tom managed to come to his senses somewhat and realized where he was and who was talking to him. In the space of about 15 minutes, Tom found himself up, dressed, a cup of black coffee tossed down his throat, and seated upon his horse before his assembled troops.**_

_**"Well, men. Today is the day that we show those King's men exactly who they are dealing with. Who's with me?"**_

_**A chorus of cheers met his ears and he wheeled his horse and headed across the fog-swathed moor to meet the Kings' forces. As his horse approached, Tom received his first full glimpse of the forces that he was opposing. Lines and lines and lines of men, horses, and cannon faced him. Looking back at his own paltry forces, Tom made a quick decision. He unfastened his white handkerchief and quickly tied it onto his saber and waved it wildly as he spurred his horse on shouting at the top of his lungs "I surrender!"**_

_**The startled King's soldiers took the surrendering general in hand and brought him to their commanding officer. The King's general, not fully believing that this fight was won without a single shot having been fired, met Tom. "Well, sir, why might I ask are you surrendering?" Tom replied, "I am wise enough to see that you out number me and my men. I'd rather have my men alive to fight another day than be stuck writing missives to their widows. Do with me what you will, just let my men leave unharmed." **_

_**"Agreed," the King's general replied.**_

_**Tom was taken into captivity and shortly sent on Newgate Prison. Back at home, his younger sister, Dorothy, was reading beside the fire in her sitting room when her maid came to fetch her. "Mum, you've a visitor from the King." Setting aside her book and her curiosity piqued, Dorothy followed the maid through the castle's corridors into the Great Hall. There standing near the far hearth, was a messenger from the King.**_

_**"My lady," he said formally bowing to her. "I'm terribly sorry to disturb you madam, but I was told that you are the only member of the household home at the present and I have news of great importance."**_

_**"That's true. My parents have decided to take a holiday until this mess is over. My brothers and sisters are abroad as well. How may I assist you?"**_

_**"Here madam, this explains," the messenger replied handing her a piece of rolled parchment bearing the seal of both the King and one of his generals.**_

_**"Oh, Tom," Dorothy breathed as she broke the seal and unrolled the parchment. "What have you done this time? Oh no! You've managed to get yourself imprisoned! Thank you sir. I will see to this matter immediately. Please stop by the kitchens and Cook will make sure that you have some food for your return trip."**_

_**"Thank you my lady," he said as he turned and left the room.**_

_**"Marcella! Quickly, I need my cloak."**_

_**Dorothy followed her maid out of the room and soon the two women were dressed in riding habits and set off towards the nearby prison. The guards at the gate straightened at the sight of a lady and led her to her brother.**_

_**"Oh Tom," she breathed as she took in his ragged appearance. "You're insufferable!"**_

_**"Please tell me you're here to get me out of this place Little Sis," Tom asked with a cheeky grin. **_

_**"Hush! That will come later. I've got to come up with a plan in which you won't be noticed. But for now, why did you go and join the rebellion? Why didn't you do what Mama and Papa and the others decided to do and take a holiday?"**_

_**"What?! And leave you unprotected?! I think not!"**_

_**"You know that I am perfectly able to care for myself! So how much did you owe?"**_

_**"Well, I did it because I'm broke and didn't want the debtors chasing after me. But I didn't think I'd really turn coward and run, but I did."**_

_**The siblings talked for several more moments until the guards came to escort Dorothy and her maid back out. That began a series of visits in which Dorothy would visit her brother. Each time that she came, he asked her how she was planning on getting him out of there. Each time her response was the same. That she was working on it. **_

_**Early in the next month, Dorothy had finally come up with a solution to get Tom out of the prison. Dressing in her maid's clothing before pulling on her own dress, Dorothy made sure that not a scrap of the maid's clothes showed under her dress. She and Marcella rode towards the prison. Marcella stayed with the horses in the glen just outside of the prison and Dorothy approached the gates alone. The guards were by now so used to seeing her, that she was admitted without a fuss. **_

_**"Tom," Dorothy said quietly. "Today is the day. I'm getting you out of here. Now keep talking like we usually do and then after my usual amount of time here with you, you'll help me out of the dress." **_

_**"Out of the dress! Sis are you crazy!"**_

_**"Shhhh! And listen! I've got Marcella's clothes on under my dress. You'll turn your back and put on Marcella's whilst I don my own again. You'll have to dress quickly otherwise we'll both be caught. The guards come for me after having been with you for about an hour. And it takes them about 5 or 10 minutes to get here. Understand?"**_

_**"Ah I see."**_

_**The two visited until Dorothy gave her brother the signal that it was time to make the escape. Both quickly changed and soon Tom was disguised. Dorothy played her part for all she was worth as she left the cell.**_

_**"Tom, I'll be back again to visit you soon," she said as she wiped away a false tear from the corner of her eye. "And perhaps next time, you'll actually be civil to me!"**_

_**With a flounce of her skirts she and her "maid" left the cell without waiting a response from the prisoner within. Outside the prison, Dorothy led her "maid" to the glen where Marcella was waiting with the horses. Tom started to throw off his disguise, but stopped when his sister shot him a glare. The trio robe back to the castle where Tom was immediately disguised as a servant.**_

_**The guards soon realized that General Tom had escaped and knew that his sister had been his only visitor. They rode like the wind to Bamburgh Castle where they turned it inside out, searching for the prisoner. Dorothy stood furiously in the Great Hall and watched as the men tore her home apart in the hopes of finding her brother. What they didn't notice was that that the General had been in front of them the entire search. Dorothy had gotten Tom disguised as a kitchen boy and he was sitting beside the large hearth turning the spit. Both siblings realized that the safety of the entire castle was jeopardized by Tom's presence there. Tom was sheltered in a seldom used portion of the castle and slowly regained the strength that his time in prison had stolen from him. **_

_**After about two years of hiding and putting his sister at risk, Tom was fed up.**_

_**"Dorothy," he announced one morning while the siblings broke the fast. "I've got to get out of here."**_

_**"And where will you go," she asked calmly. She'd known that this day was coming. She'd sensed the restlessness in him over the past few months. **_

_**"France," he replied without a moment's hesitation. "I've made the arrangements. I leave in a fortnight."**_

_**"Very well then," she told him. "I'll miss you. And please either marry Marcella or stop playing with her. She's not a plaything for you. She loves you, though why I'm not entirely sure."**_

_**Tom agreed and within two weeks he and Marcella were on their way to France. Tom had realized that he had fallen in love with his sister's maid, the woman who had cared for him the most during his hiding.**_

_Well, that's my story. I really liked letting my imagination run away with me. I hope that Mr. Goshen likes it._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_July 16, 1970_

_I got a letter from Julie today. It's so hard to have her so far away! I miss her a lot. Well anyway, here's what she wrote:_

_**Dear Lily,**_

_**I miss you! I wish that you could have been here with us when the memorial service for Daddy was held. I know that the service was back in March and that this is July, but this is the first I've been able to write of it. Mum was a wreck as has been the case since we got the Army telegram saying Daddy was dead. There was no body for us to bury. The Army said that it was too badly destroyed. But we buried the things that they shipped us. We buried his Army tags, his picture, and a few other things as well. Mum wanted to put in Daddy's wedding ring, but I didn't want her to do that. So I've got Daddy's ring hidden in my bureau drawer. Along with all the letters that I've written Daddy since his death. But the service was very moving. The Army chaplain, you know we're not religious and don't go to a church anywhere, told those of is gathered at the graveside about how Daddy had died rescuing a squad of men. That's the first that we'd heard about that. Then the Army guys gave a 21-gun salute to Daddy. That's where there are 7 soldiers in their dress uniforms and they shoot their rifles into the air three times. I cried a lot. My biggest worry is how I'm going to take care of Cassie and Samuel. Mum spends her days drinking cheap wine and that's while she's working at the diner. I didn't tell you. Mum took a job as waitress just to make enough money for us to live on. Cassie and Samuel don't understand why their Mummy isn't home anymore. And when she is home, why she's always yelling at them to shut up. My brother and sister are only 5 and 3. They need their Mum. Me, I'm old enough to take care of myself. And I'm going to see to it that nothing will hurt my little brother and sister ever again. Even Mum.**_

_**But how are you Lily? Did you have a good birthday? What did your teacher think of that castle story that you turned in? I wish I could have seen the finished castle. Thanks for sharing your story with me. You've got a lot of talent. You had me actually there with General Tom and Miss Dorothy. I needed that. Thanks. I was sorry to hear about Granna Louise. I know how much she meant to you. And I remember her as a sweet woman who was always greeting us with a hug and some cookies. What are the chances that your parents will let you come here at Christmas? I could really use my best friend, and the kids that I go to school with just don't understand me the way that you do. We're a team, you and I. **_

_**I've got to go now Lily. Cassie needs me.**_

_**Your friend,**_

_**Julie**_

_I want so badly to be able to go see Julie in America. But I know it's pointless to ask. I'm too young. At least we have our letters though. _

_Mr. Goshen loved my story. He told me that I should consider becoming a writer. That's another idea for me now. I could be a teacher, a doctor, or a writer. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up._

_Petunia's home for the holidays. She spends time with me only when forced to do so, and I don't really understand why. I've not caused any accidents since the day that I set fire to the school desk. But evidently my accidents are too freakish for her. I think that Stephanie is the one who keeps poisoning her against me. I mean Petunia's known me my whole life, being that she is my sister. And the one time that Stephanie met me, she made me mad and I caused an accident. Why do we have to grow up? Why can't we always be children and then my sister and I would still be close?_

_Always,_

_Lily_

With a sigh, Hermione closed the leather bound book, and stretched. It had been a long day and since hearing something earlier that disturbed her reading, she'd been on her guard. Now she was exhausted.

Gathering her things, she left the attic and moved cautiously down the attic stairs. Seeing that her wards were still in place, she relaxed slightly, but only slightly. She left the house and slowly made her way through London's evening rush. She had to take the underground away from the house in order to safely reach a place from which she could Apparate. Lost in her thoughts, she failed to notice the muffled sounds of footsteps behind her and the soft swish of an invisibility cloak.

"Hermione," Ginny asked as she approached her friend.

"Yes," the other woman replied.

"We've got to do something about Harry. He's getting worse each day. If something isn't done soon, he'll be lost completely."

"I know," Hermione replied with a touch of worry in her voice. "These last three years have been hard on everyone especially Harry. And you. I'm working on something right now that I hope will help him."

"What is it?"

"I can't divulge that just yet. Not until I have all the facts."

"Is it a potion or something that restore him to himself?"

"Not exactly. Let's just say that I've found something that will help him remember that he's not alone."

"You will tell me when it's ready won't you," Ginny asked.

"I promise. When I feel that the time is right, you'll be the first to know."

Hermione watched the pretty redhead walk out of the room thinking that there was the woman who loved Harry as much as if not more than Lily. Shaking herself out of her thoughts of Harry, she focused on the more pressing things on her mind. Things like the fact that someone had been following her. She needed to approach the Order about this.

"Remus," Hermione called as she knelt on the floor with her head in the kitchen fireplace. "I need to talk to you." She pulled her head out of the fireplace and within a matter of seconds, there was a flash of green light and Remus Lupin was dusting the soot off his clothes as he stood in the kitchen.

"Is Harry worse?"

"No, but it's about what I've found and some concerns I have."

Remus sank tiredly into one of the kitchen chairs, cast an imperturbable charm on the doorway with a flick of his wand, and gave the pacing young woman in front of him his full attention.

"Hermione. Hermione. What is it? What have you found out?"

"Ok, so I know that my mission was to find something, anything that will help the Order, but that's taken a back seat to what I've discovered. I stumbled across a trunk full of books."

"And that has what to do with your mission?"

"I'm getting there! Just wait a minute. This trunk caused me to change my mission. So instead of looking for something that will help the Order, I'm now on a quest to help Harry. And I've discovered how to do that."

"How," Remus replied his curiosity piqued in spite of this blatant disregard for orders.

"Through his mother."

"How can Lily help Harry? She's been dead for nineteen years."

"I know that. But you see this trunk of books was actually a trunk of journals."

"Journals? Like in diaries?"

"Yes. And written by no other than Lillian Michelle Evans Potter," she announced triumphantly.

"Lily kept a diary? Amazing. How many are there? What does she write about? How will this help Harry?"

"I'm not very far into her story, but it's amazing. I strongly suspect that one of her ancestors was a witch. And tragic deaths run in her family. Make that young tragic deaths."

"Wait. Lily was Muggleborn. She was the only witch in the family."

"Or so you always thought. There is evidence in these diaries that her great-great grandmother was a witch. I've researched this. There are times, though I admit that they are rare, that magic skips several generations. In Lily's case, the magic skipped her father's generation, her grandmother's generation, and her great-grandmother's generation. Remus? Are you alright?"

"This is just a lot to take in. Lily kept a diary. Evidently more than one. And she's got an ancestry that has at least one witch in the family. But I find it intriguing. Please continue."

"Ok. Well, Lily's story is very intriguing. It starts when she's eight years old, and from what I can tell it goes through the days leading up to her death. It's almost as if she's wanting her son to find these diaries and read them."

"Why do you say that?"

"I'm not entirely sure yet. It's just a theory floating around in my head. But I think that Lily wants Harry to realize how much love is worth. And how it is love that makes him who he is."

"I'm not sure I follow you, but go on."

"That's just it. I don't have anything more right now! It's just this thought I have that if Harry knows his mother's story, you know what she was like as a child, her experiences at Hogwarts, James, that kind of thing."

"How will that help Harry?"

"He'll have more than just moving photographs of his mum. He'll have her words. Her thoughts. And it may be just enough to bring him back to us. To you. To me. To Ginny."

"You know I think that you may be onto something there. But, you mentioned some concerns."

"Oh that. I'm being followed," she stated matter-of-factly.

"You're what!? How? Who?"

"I don't know who it is, but whomever it is is using an Invisibility cloak."

"Those are really rare."

"I know that. And I know that Harry has one, but he's not been using it seeing as how he hasn't been going anywhere. Dobby would have mentioned it. Moody has two. And those are safely locked up. I don't know who it could be."

"So it's not the Order. Well, you won't be allowed to go alone any longer."

"Remus, that won't work. They'll know we suspect something if my routine breaks and all of a sudden I have an escort. No, I have to stay to my routine. But I wanted you to be aware. Perhaps you could post a lookout? In disguise of course."

"Maybe. Let me think about it and get back to you. You certainly can't read the diaries here. Harry may discover them. And you don't want that yet do you?"

"No I don't. But I have faith in you Remus. You'll figure something out. Now, I've got some research to do and you should be getting on home."

"Right you are."

Hermione watched as her former professor released the charm on the kitchen and stepped into the fireplace. With a flash of green light, he was gone and she was left alone to try to come up with her plan.

With no real plan in mind and with Remus not having come up with a solution, Hermione agreed to be extra careful as she spent her days in the attic reading Lily's story.

_August 31, 1970_

_Well the summer holidays are almost over. Petunia turned 13 two days ago. We are having a family dinner tonight to celebrate the start of the new school year. She leaves in the morning to go back to her school. _

_Dreams, dreams, dreams. The ones that I have keep getting stranger and stranger. First it was the castle and this dark haired boy. Now it's this lake that seems bottomless. I'm standing beside it with a group of my friends and I see this boy being picked on. That's only the beginning because then the dream changes. I'm not at the lake anymore. I'm in some sort of hospital or something and looking over a bed at a young man with sandy brown hair lying there very pale and covered in scratches. He's evidently a friend, but I don't know who he is. Then the dream changed again. Now I'm meeting with a group of really odd people and there is evidently some sort of plan in the works. I'm standing next to that dark haired boy. Only now he's a man and is holding my hand tightly. We both look scared. The sandy haired young man is there too. As is another man with black hair and grey eyes. I can tell that he's a good friend to the man beside me. Then there's a forth man. This one is kneeling before me and the man beside me. He's clutching both of our hands and a circle of light envelops the three of us and then it's gone. I wish that there was someone I could talk to about these dreams. They just keep getting stranger and stranger. And I dream these strange dreams more often._

_Mr. Goshen told me some of what he's going to have me do this year. He wants me to learn the American way of measuring things and weighing them and stuff like that. So instead of referring to meters and the like, I will have to learn about inches and feet and ounces and pounds and cups. I think that one of the projects he's going to make me do is to make something using those measurements. I can only hope that if it's a cake, it'll turn out good. I am all thumbs in the kitchen anyway and Mum rarely lets me help her!_

_Daddy was telling the room in general last night about the war in Vietnam. He was saying that it can't last too much longer since the American troops don't seem to be supported at home. I'm glad. That means that Julie doesn't have to worry anymore. But her dad is already dead from it anyway. Daddy also went on about something about the Suez Canal and how the United Nations are trying to resolve the mess in Israel. Then there was his general announcement that the band the Rolling Stones was making a documentary. I'm glad Daddy has his news but truthfully, it doesn't really interest me all that much._

_Well I've got to go now. Mum's calling me for dinner._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_October 15, 1970_

_School is driving me crazy! For some unknown reason, Mr. Goshen has decided that I needed to study French. So for the last month he's been teaching me French verbs, phrases, and everything else French. It's almost as if he's wanting me to be fluent in it! I don't see when I'll ever use it. Though it is sorta fun though. I am picking it up pretty fast, but I can honestly say that I never expected to learn French._

_I was looking at Great-great grandmother Clarissa's portrait the other day. I could swear that that it was talking to me! But that's silly. Pictures can't talk. Here I am nearly eleven and I can't understand why I'm so different. Maybe I'm drawn to Clarissa because she was different too. Or maybe it's because I look so much like her. Of course the portrait that I have of her is when she's about 17 or 18. I guess that I can see what I'll look like in a few years. _

_Mum and I took a trip to London last weekend. Mum wanted to do some shopping and I was bored and wanted to maybe find something for Julie. Well anyway, we were in London and walking down this one street when I think that my eyes started playing tricks on me. We walked past this one store and next to it was the ugliest pub I've ever seen! But when I pointed it out to Mum and we both turned around and looked, it wasn't there. This is ranking up there with my crazy dreams. Too weird. If this is how growing up is going to be, I think I want to stay little forever!_

_Always,_

_Lily_

Hermione laughed as she read about Lily discovering the Leaky Cauldron without seeming to realize it. "Yes, Lily, you have so much more in common with Clarissa than you think." Putting aside the journal, she pulled her knees up against her chest and sat there with her arms wrapped around her legs, thinking. Thinking about Harry and his need to be helped. Thinking too, that perhaps the time had come to share these journals with Ginny, who loved him so much. Thinking about whatever plan that Remus was going to suggest for her protection, and knowing that whatever it was she wasn't going to like it. How long she sat like that, she never really knew. After some time, she shook herself out of her thoughts and turned her attention back to the journal laying beside her.

_November 17, 1970_

_I had another strange dream last night. Only this time it wasn't about me or a castle or that dark-haired boy. This time it involved Julie. In my dream, she was crying out for help as she tried to protect her brother and sister. I'm not terribly sure what she was protecting them from. She was being hurt, though, I did notice that. Where was her mum? What was going on? I got another letter from her in this morning's post. Here is what she wrote:_

_**My dear Lily,**_

_**As I'm looking out the window writing this, I see that fall has arrived in force. The few trees that we are able to see from the flat's windows have turned the most beautiful shades of red and gold. Reminds me of you glorious hair. But, Lily, you would never believe what has been happening over here. Yes, the war is still going on and people hate it. But I was talking about the school that I'm going to. When school started in September, every school here had to allow black children to attend. Evidently that's not been allowed before. I don't mind it. But there are others who hate the idea of white children being in the same classroom as black. Mum is one of those. And that's not like her. Or at least like how she used to be when we were in England. I think it's all those pills and the drinks she takes all day long every day. They've really changed her. Anyway, two days ago, there was a huge protest thing going on outside of my school. I was walking to the school with my brother and sister, holding their hands like the great sister that I am, when I saw that these parents were trying to stop black kids from entering the school. I saw Mum. Of course she didn't see us. She was too stoned. I told the kids to stay put and I ran over to her. When I tried to pull her away, she slapped me. Not that terribly hard Lily, and besides I'm used to it now. Mum has changed. I didn't want to leave her to the mob that was quickly forming, but I had no choice. I had to protect the kids. We tried to retreat to a safe distance, but we couldn't really. I was like a mother lion in front of her cubs by shielding the kids with my body. After a while, the sounds died of gunfire died away and I looked around. The mob had certainly gotten out of hand. Some people had been hurt by the guns that were fired in protection of the black children. I looked around for Mum. I didn't see her right away. Then I saw her. Lying in an ever-widening pool of blood. Not caring for my own safety, I ran to her. I took her head in my lap and started to cry. "Mummy, don't leave us. We need you." She opened her eyes once, smiled slightly, reached up to wipe the tears from my face, and then fell back into my arms. I just sat there rocking her. I don't know how long I was there either. Until I heard a woman's voice pulling me away and saying, "Come now child, she's gone. Come with me." So for the last day or so, we've been staying with that kind woman, but I took us back to our place last night. Because it's our place. The only thing we have that is ours. Lily, I'm scared. I don't know what they are going to do with us. Three kids with no family. I'm going to do everything that I can to ensure that we stay together. If I can get the money together, we'll come back to England. Your parents would take us in wouldn't they? For now, though, I'm going to go. I need to figure out what we're having to eat.**_

_**Julie**_

_Oh Julie! I understand now that my dream was of her at the riot. At least I think it was. That's really weird. I don't understand how I can dream something that happens to Julie and it actually happen. At least I think that what I dreamt really happened to her._

_Mr. Goshen has been really impressed with my quick grasp of French. He's gotten to the point that all of my lessons are now in French. He recently had me studying about King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. I am loving reading about Sir Gawain, Lancelot, Kay, and the others. What fascinates me the most is the parts about Merlin, the Lady of the Lake, Morgan le Fay, and the other magical peoples. The legends vary about the relationships of these people. Some say that Morgan le Fay was Arthur's sister. Others say she was his lover and mother of Mordred, a love child of Arthur's. I'm not really sure which one I like the best. One fact that I've found interesting is that the legends all agree that Arthur and Camelot most probably existed in South Wales. I wonder if that is anywhere near where Clarissa grew up. It would be really funny if she actually ended up being related to Arthur. Which would mean that I'm related to him too! Mr. Goshen is planning on asking Daddy and Mum if we can go to South Wales so that I can experience the culture of what might have been Camelot. I think that Daddy will agree simply because of my interest in Clarissa and her family!_

_Always,_

_Lily_

_November 21, 1970_

_South Wales. I still can't believe that I'm actually here! It's so exciting. Mum finally gave in after Daddy told her that it would be a good experience for me. And of course Mum's here with me and Mr. Goshen. Mr. Goshen wants me to experience all that South Wales has to offer while at the same time recognizing that this may have been the spot of Camelot. So while we're here, we're going to be studying Arthur in depth. Truthfully, as much as the Camelot legends excite me, I'm much more interested in finding out information about Clarissa. I know that her family name was Breese and that she was born in Carmarthen. I wonder how near we are to Carmarthen. Carmarthen – Carmarthen. You know that sounds like it could be later spelling of Camelot! That would be too cool if the area that my great-great grandmum was born in is actually the modern day spot where Camelot once stood! Oh wait til I get a letter off to Julie! She'll be thrilled for me. Anyway, I must run now. Mum says that it's time to visit the local pub to eat dinner. More later._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_November 26, 1970_

_The funniest thing happened the other day while Mr. Goshen and I were wondering around the barrows near the village. A woman came out of a thatched cottage, took one look at me, and gasped. She then promptly ran back into her home and we heard her say something in Welsh. Mr. Goshen decided to try and find out what the matter was. So he went and knocked on her door. I was right beside him so I got to hear the entire conversation._

_"Excuse us madam," he began (ever the proper English gentleman). "But what was that that happened a moment ago when you saw my student?"_

_"She gave me a fright gov'ner," the woman replied in heavily accented English. "You see sir. This wee lass looks like me husband's cousin, four times removed or so."_

_I was starting to get excited. Evidently this woman was related to Clarissa somehow. _

_"Madam, would you mind telling us the name of your relative?"_

_"Sure and it's Clarissa. Clarissa Breese. I believe. Family lore tells of how she ran off and disgraced the entire family and that one day she threatened she'd be back. The family stories also tell of her flaming red hair and emerald eyes."_

_"Well, my fine lady, this girl is not Clarissa. Her name is Lily. Lily Evans of England. Though I believe that she does have some Welsh blood in her a few generations back."_

_"Ma'am," I finally found my voice. "About Clarissa, did things happen around her?"_

_"Aye lassie they did. Tis a tale I'd love to share. Best you be coming in for tea now and I'll share all that I know."_

_We followed the woman into her tiny, yet, cozy home. _

_"I'm called Brynne. Brynne Breese, actually. Me husband's name is Owyn. His family, the Breeses, have lived in these parts for generations. And on this land specifically. The last century has been difficult for this family. In the late 16__th__ century, the Breese's were the most powerful family in the area. The patriarch of the family was me husband's great grandpappy, Brychan. He and his lovely bride, Eleri, settled in Carmarthen in 1830. Well actually the land here, the village came later. To this union came six sons and one daughter. The eldest, Kenrick was born in 1831, next came Gavan in 1833, then Carey in 1840, Evan followed in 1843, Owyn (he's the branch me husband's from) arrived in 1846, Reese in 1853, and finally the daughter, Clarissa, in 1858. 'Twas dangerous for Eleri to have Clarissa, being that she was past her prime child-bearing years. In fact, the babe's birth almost killed her. _

_"The family wasn't all kind during those years. Unexplained things would happen in the village and when the villagers approached Brychan, he heard their complaints, but thought them silly. You see, lassie, the Breese's were a family steeped in, what for the time was considered, sorcery. The villagers were scared to death of them. And 'twas the entire family, not just the menfolk."_

_"So, how did Clarissa disgrace the family?"_

_"Ah yes. The daughter. She was a beauty. Flaming red hair and emerald eyes. As a wee babe, her da was so proud of her. The eyes and the hair signaled that she'd be powerful. Her name meant "brilliant goddess." And that's what the family hoped she'd become. An extremely powerful goddess in her own right. Yet as she grew, she saw the way that her family abused the gifts and powers they'd been given. She didn't want that for herself. She wanted to use her powers for good. She wanted to help people. The villagers loved her because she could heal them of their ailments with a simple touch. The family could indulge their youngest in these human practices, because they indulged her every whim. They weren't happy with her, but they allowed her to practice and use her gifts for the good of others. Until the day that she attended a young, injured Englishman. You have to understand, lass, that the Welsh are a proud people. To this day, there is a strong dislike for all things English. This young man had been grievously injured on a hunting expedition. The villagers who found him brought him to Clarissa at the Breese keep. Her father recognized that her powers were needed, and sent for her. She treated the man's wounds and nursed him back to health. While he was unconscious, the family didn't know that he was English. But as he regained consciousness, he began to speak. His words were not of the flowing Welsh tongue, but rather of the coarse English that the English speak. _

_"Brychan ordered him to be removed from his home, despite the fact that to send the man out on his own would be to incite certain death. Clarissa, for the first time in her life, refused to do as her father ordered. When her brothers tried to remove him bodily from her care, she stood her ground and told them that removing him would mean losing her as well since she would go with her patient. Not about to see the loss of the future goddess, the brothers backed down. So Clarissa continued to nurse the man to health. What none of her family counted on though was her falling in love with her patient. When he was well enough to leave, Brychan's patience had seen its limits. He ordered the young man out of his home, never to return, and to never speak of the happenings he witnessed while in his daughter's care. Happenings such as disappearances of things at certain times, unexplained healings, stuff like that. The young man agreed and left quietly with but one quiet good-bye to the beautiful Clarissa. _

_"She was distraught of course. She loved him. He loved her. Her parents were separating them. A few weeks after he'd left, Clarissa approached her father. She told him that she was in love with the Englishman. Her father was appalled. A Welsh woman in love with a dirty Englishman! The idea was completely unacceptable. He forbade her to leave to go to him, and sequestered her into her quarters. She escaped, defied her family, and met up with her young man. A few months of peace was all that the couple had before her brothers found them. Bringing both Clarissa and her young husband back to their father, the brothers were eager to see that their works would pay off. The treasured daughter, princess, was returned safely home to the parents who loved her. Clarissa's husband was kept as a prisoner while proceedings were put into place to see that the marriage was annulled. Once the family learned that Clarissa was expecting a child, though, the Breese's realized that attempts to annul the marriage would go to waste. No church would consider an annulment when a child was involved. The two stayed with her family until the child was born. On her childbed, Clarissa vowed to return and seek vengeance upon her family for the way in which they treated her and the man she loved. _

_"If she'd had a son, then her father would have forgiven her for marrying an Englishman. But she didn't. She gave birth to a daughter. And her healing powers were not enough for her to escape the childbed sickness. During her sickness, her mother passed away, and that was also laid upon Clarissa's feet. When she was able to travel, her husband took his wife and daughter away. Hoping to never see Clarissa's family again. Yet her father didn't give up that easily. True, the young family had a few years of happiness, but her father sent his sons to find her. He considered his daughter as having betrayed the family. And that betrayal would have a price. As long as she remained on Welsh soil, she and her family were not safe. Under some very mysterious circumstances, she died. Yet, the remainder of her family, her brothers and father, knew better. They have remembered her last words and tremble at the meanings in them."_

_"What were those words?"_

_"As Clarissa lay dying, her husband not home, she spoke to her brothers. She said 'There will come a time when you will pay for this deed. A child will come. A child with green eyes who will set things to right. You and your families should live in fear of this day.'"_

_"So, Mrs. Breese, you believe that Lily is that child?"_

_"Aye. She's the emerald eyes and flaming hair of Clarissa. And she's here."_

_"But I can't set things right. It's been over a hundred years since then. Surely, you're not still afraid of what will happen?"_

_"Well, lassie, we are. Clarissa was powerful. If'en you believe in such things, then consider this. Clarissa was the 7__th__ child of a family that could well be considered witches. That means that she would be the most powerful of them all. Those abilities of her family have been passed down through the generations. Each one has had at least one person in it who has been, for lack of a better word, magical. Except for this generation. Of me husband, his cousins, and all of our children. None of us possess the Second Sight or the healing powers. So we can only believe that Clarissa's curse will come into being soon."_

_"Well, Lily, we must be returning to the village. Your mum will be worried. It was a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Breese. I hope that you can see that Lily is not that child that was spoken of."_

_But am I? Maybe I really am that child that Clarissa spoke of. After all, I'm the first in the family to demonstrate strange abilities. And the stories of Clarissa that are in my family are so different than what Mrs. Breese told us. I think that Clarissa's husband would tell his daughter the gentler version of the tale, and that's the one that Granna Louise told me. Anyway, more things to think about._

_Always,_

_Lily_


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter6

Hermione grinned as she read the words Lily had written. About being the child that Clarissa spoke of. Of course Lily wasn't that child, but was the mother of that child. Harry. She sighed as her thoughts went to dwell on her friend. Some days were better than others. But for the most part, Harry didn't want to have anything to do with her or Ginny. They were the all too visible reminders of all that he'd lost. Friends, almost family members, beloved professors. All for the overall safety of the wizarding population. While the world seemed grateful to Harry for all that he'd done, they seemed to forget that he was a human being. A human being who suffered like the others. He wasn't some all powerful Superman type savior. He was just Harry. And Hermione knew more than most how much it meant to him to be normal and not famous. Which was why she hoped that Lily would be able to speak to him from her own words, long lost these past twenty plus years. If only Lily were able to speak to him now.

A quick checking on the wards surrounding the attic showed that all was in order. One day soon, her mysterious follower would make a mistake, and she would be able to unmask the intruder. But until then, she had to be content to keep the wards up. She knew that the time wasn't right for her to confront her follower. Though what Remus and the Order would say when she did so was not something she was ready to think about. Pushing that thought aside to deal with another time, she went back to Lily's story.

_December, 25, 1970_

_Happy Christmas! Ever since we got back from the trip to Wales, I've been thinking about what that woman told me about Clarissa. And the fact that I may be the child that was spoken of. What's so special about me anyway? I'm almost 11 years old, have a normal family, get along most of the time with my sister, oh. And yeah. Strange things happen around me. Things that I can't really explain. But that doesn't make me special does it? I'm just me. Lillian Michelle Evans. Lily. I don't think I'm all that pretty either. Not like Great-great grandmum Clarissa was. Now she was a beauty. Me. I just rather dark red hair and my best feature is my eyes. They're emeralds._

_Petunia is home for the holidays. She's still only speaking to me when we're at home and not around any of her friends. But she did wish me a Happy Christmas this morning and that made me feel really good. _

_I wonder how Julie's doing in America and what sort of Christmas she's having. My poor friend. Having to be the provider for her younger brother and sister. And she's not even finished with school yet! I hope she likes the present that Mum mailed her for me. I found her the cutest little stuffed dog. It's a black, shaggy dog with an expression that begs to be cuddled. I named it Snuggles for her. I hope that it helps her be strong for her brother and sister._

_Dreams, dreams, dreams. Here I thought that my strange dreams were finished since I've not had any for a few months. But, no, they're not. Last night, I woke myself up with yet another strange dream. That dark-haired boy was in it yet again. Only this time, I only saw his back as he shouted something at me and motioned for me to run. Then there was a baby. I know, somehow, that that was my child and the dark-haired boy my husband. And we were in danger. Of something. I don't know what. _

_After I was awaken from that one, I immediately fell back into another dream. This one, though, was very different. Julie was at a desk writing something. But not the Julie I remember. She was grown up. Her blonde hair hung down her back in gentle waves. A child not more than 2 played on a blanket nearby. This child obviously wasn't either Cassie or Samuel so I have to think that it's Julie's child. An owl stood off to the side of the desk near the open window, evidently waiting for Julie to finish writing her letter. But why should an owl wait for a letter? What does it have to do with putting a piece of paper in an envelope and giving it to the postman? Anyway, Julie pauses in her writing to wipe a tear away from her eye, and I see a portion of the letter. __**"…I knew your mother. I knew her before she found out…She's been my dearest friend since we were eight years old. Through everything that's happened to me…As saddened as I was to hear of … Please, for her sake, you must live again! …"**__ Julie's writing a letter to the child of the earlier dream?! But why to the child and not to me? What's happened? Oh I wish that these dreams would stop! Or at least be explained!_

_Always,_

_Lily_

_January 17, 1971_

_I can't believe how quickly the holidays went by! School's started back up again and Mr. Goshen is hard pressed to find subjects that will hold my interest. I think that he's still afraid that I will cause more accidents. I know I can't help it, but they are annoying. And lately, they seem to happen more and more often. I wish I knew why! My most recent one did happen over the holidays. And once again it was centered around Petunia. She'd made me mad again. And this time I focused my mind onto the hand that was holding a mug of cocoa. All I wanted to do was cause the mug to get hot enough that she'd drop it. I really didn't mean to cause nasty blisters on her hand. That part was an accident. But Mum and Daddy still knew that I'd caused it, so I was punished. They knew that the one thing I love the most is to write in your pages, diary. So, they took you away from me for all of three days. They felt that I would learn a lesson better by not being able to write about all that happens for a few days. I think it worked. I won't deliberately try to cause harm to my sister like that again. I can't stand the thought that my diary gets taken away from me again!_

_I got Julie's package in the post today. She sent me this record from a popular band in America called the Beach Boys. The record is called Sunflower. It's a totally cool record! They sound so much fun. I've got it playing right now. Julie also told me that she and Cassie both love Snuggles, though it seems that Cassie has claimed him. She said that they're doing ok. Some neighbours are helping to see that they have all the food and clothes that they need. But that there is this one lady who keeps trying to report them to Child Services. Because it's against the law for kids to live alone without a mum or a dad to take care of them. But Julie says that they always manage to find out when the government people are coming and they leave the flat for a while. I do hope that Julie and the kids don't get separated!_

_Always,_

_Lily_

_February 23, 1971_

_Why won't these dreams go away? I'm at the point where I don't want to go to sleep at night any more because I know that each time I close my eyes, that I will be transported into a world that is strange and I don't understand! I see myself and others who are obviously people I know, and there's danger and castles and sometimes I'm doing things that I don't understand. Like the one with me standing over some sort of huge pot, tossing in the strangest things, and then pouring out some purple liquid into a glass container and giving it to the really portly man standing at the front. At least that one makes some sense. I'm taking some sort of class and that purple liquid is the assignment and the man is the teacher. Hmmm. I can't actually see myself taking cooking classes!_

Hermione laughed in spite of herself at the thought of cooking classes. Like Lily, she was all thumbs in the kitchen. Thank heavens she could cook with magic and not need to worry about things like correct measurements and ingredients. She glanced around the attic and content that all was in order went back to the story.

_Well my 11__th__ birthday is in a month. Mum told me that she wants to make it really special for me so I need to let her know what I'd like to do. Because once the fall term starts, she's going to send me on to the same school that Petunia's at. And since this will be my last birthday at home, she wants to make is memorable. I know what would make it really great. And that would be that Julie could be here. But I know that Mum and Daddy can't afford to fly her here just for my birthday. Bummer. I wonder if I shall fit in at Petunia's school. I've enjoyed learning on my own and having Mr. Goshen teach me, but I do long to be around other kids my age. But I'm so different. Will that matter at Petunia's school? Will there be more kids like Stephanie who will be mean to me because I'm different? And what about all my accidents? I wonder if they'll stop once I go away to school. And the dreams too. Will they stop or get worse? Mum always says that worrying about tomorrow is just borrowing trouble, so I guess that I'd better stop. After all, I won't go off to school for about six months and I should enjoy the time I've still got at home!_

_Always,_

_Lily_

_March 27, 1971_

_I turned 11 years old today. And Mum made my favorite dessert. Chocolate treacle tart! Mouth watering is what it was. So even though my birthday wish of having Julie here didn't come true, I still had a special birthday. As usual, Daddy gave me another blank diary for when I fill this one up. Mr. Goshen was going to let me have the day off from my studies but since my birthday's on a Saturday, I have it off anyway. _

_Lately, school's been rather dull since the trip to Wales. I mean, I found out information about Clarissa, so the trip wasn't a total waste, but we didn't get into a lot about King Arthur like I'd hoped. Oh well. Mr. Goshen wants me to do some research on Greek and Roman mythology now. He says I'm a little young for it, but am ready. So that should be fun. I do like to read about all the various types of mythology. I wonder what sort of a project he'll have me do this time?_

_It's funny though. Now that I'm 11, I feel different inside. It's like something happened inside of me and things are balanced or something like that. I don't know why I feel like that, I just do. It's not like I'm any different. I'm just a year older. I mean, I guess I am different in the fact that I am growing up and will be off at school in the fall. But, I'm still a kid. Mum says I feel like this because changes are taking place in my body. I know all about that stuff. And that's not exactly what I'm feeling. I think that that is part of it, but not the entire thing. I can't even describe it too well._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_April 10, 1971_

_Got a letter from Julie today. It was much shorter than her normal ones. She said that there is this boy who really likes her. But she thinks that he's a stupid-head and is just trying to find out for sure if she's living all alone with just Cassie and Samuel and no mum or dad. But as she says, what the government doesn't know can't hurt them. She also told me about the growing unrest and people wanting to execute Charles Manson for various murders he and his followers have committed. Can't say that I really know who Charles Manson is since I certainly don't pay any attention to the news and stuff like that. That's Daddy's job. Speaking of, he was going through his nightly routine of announcing little tidbits of the news the other evening when one thing he said caught my attention. He said that on the 1__st__, the UK lifted all restrictions on the ownership of gold. I find that rather interesting that there were restrictions on it in the first place. Then the pictures on tonight's news was still showing clean-up attempts of the eruption of Mount Etna five days ago. Evidently this time, the volcano buried the Etna Observatory under lava and ash. I wonder how many people died when the volcano erupted._

_So, my latest paper for Mr. Goshen is all about current events. Like the eruption of Mount Etna. That one's really interesting since we've been talking about Greek mythology and the giant Typhon was evidently confined under the mountain and that Aeolus confined the winds to swirl beneath it as well. So this is a mountain that plays a part in mythology. Though how much of the legends are true I don't know!_

_I'm finding mythology to be a fascinating subject!_

_Always,_

_Lily_

_May 8, 1971_

_Well I started my new diary today. This makes my 4__th__ one. I still find it hard to believe that I have enough to write about to keep filling the pages of these books. And that I've kept up with it is also impressive. Usually, I start a project, get bored after a while, and stop. But not with my writing. I really do like to write. _

_I've managed to last over two months without an accident. Maybe those things are past now. Does it have something to do with my being 11 years old? That's something to think about later. _

_Mythology. As fascinating as I find the subject, the stories are really rather boring. I keep getting the gods and goddesses mixed up. And which god is married to which goddess. And he's cheating on her with that one. It's rather confusing! I like the stories better. I love the story of Persephone who marries Hades and is forced to live in the Underworld for 6 months of the year. The tales about Demeter are also great because they go so well with Persephone. The stories are the interesting parts. I don't care much for the parts about who betrayed who and is now out wrecking havoc on the earth because of it._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_July 9, 1971_

_School is over for the summer. And Petunia's train gets here tomorrow. I'm not sure what I'll do with my sister for the summer especially in light of the latest bit of news I've gotten. _

_Yesterday when I came down for breakfast, the post had already arrived. There sitting beside my plate was the most unusual letter. The envelope wasn't normal. It was made of parchment, had no stamp, and was sealed with purple wax that depicted a coat of arms containing four animals – a lion, a badger, an eagle, and a snake all surrounding a letter H. It was addressed to me, written in emerald ink. Here's what the address read __**"Miss L. Evans. The Dining Room. 17 Breckinridge. St. Edmundsbury. Suffolk, England.**__" How odd. This letter is addressed to me in the dining room. Strange. Needless to say, I quickly opened the letter. My curiosity was getting the better of me._

_Written on some parchment-type of paper, in the green ink, were words that surprised me._

_**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy**_

_**Headmaster: Albus Dumbledoor (Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorcerer, Chief Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confederation of Wizards)**_

_**Dear Miss Evans,**_

_**We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. **_

_**Term begins on September 1 with the Hogwarts Express departing at eleven o'clock am from platform 9 ¾ of Kings Cross Station in London. **_

_**Yours sincerely,**_

_**Minerva McGonagall,**_

_**Deputy Headmistress**_

_This is very strange. "Daddy," I asked. "What's a mugwump?" _

_"A what?"_

_"A mugwump. It says that this guy is the Supreme Mugwump."_

_"Lily, what are you talking about?"_

_"My letter. It's from this place called Hogwarts."_

_"Let me see that," Daddy said as I'd finally gained his attention. I handed him the letter and let him read it for himself. _

_"Lily, I don't know what a mugwump is, but at least we now know what's so different about you. You, my Lily-girl, are a witch," he said with a smile._

_"But Daddy, witches don't exist. How can I be a witch?"_

_"Sweetheart, I don't know, but at least you're not different. You're you. And you're a witch. This is rather exciting. You're the first witch in the family. How I wish that your grandmother was still with us. She'd probably be able to answer, somewhat, your questions. Just think! A witch!"_

_Daddy was thrilled at the idea of me being a witch. I'm not too sure yet. All I know is that this is something else that will widen the ever expanding gap between Petunia and me! I'll write more tomorrow when I've had a chance for this to sink in. I wonder where I go to get my school things?_

_Always, _

_Lily_


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_July 21, 1971_

_I am so excited! Daddy and Mum are going to take me to London to get my school things tomorrow. Though I'm not exactly sure where we'll find most of them. It's not exactly the kind of things that Hatchards would have. But it will be an adventure in finding my things. We asked Petunia if she wanted to come with us to London, and after her reaction when she found out about me being a witch, wasn't surprising. She flat-out refused. Boy that was a conversation I'd like to forget! Petunia's reaction was shocking. Even Mum handled the news better. Daddy called Mum into the dining room after he'd read my letter. And he told her that we now knew the reason behind all of my "accidents." Of course, Mum was curious and wanted to know. So he said "Heather, my love, Lily's a witch." Daddy knew it was best to be blunt and tell Mum straight up. "A what," Mum stammered. "A witch. You know, pointy hat, magic spells, potions, and broomsticks." I watched Mum fascinated as the truth sank in. Her face drained of all color and her hand dropped the china teacup she was holding. As her eyes got huge, she just suddenly collapsed into a heap on the floor. "Daddy, Mum's fainted!" So Mum was shocked alright. _

_My sister was a different story entirely. Petunia first denied it all by saying that there was no way I could be a witch if she wasn't one too. After all we're sisters. Daddy tried to explain that just because we were sisters didn't mean that we had everything in common. But Petunia refused to believe it. Then she decided to take it upon herself and contact the school I'll be attending. She tried calling them and surprise surprise, there wasn't a phone number that existed. So she then took my letter and copied the address down and wrote a letter to the Headmaster. Poor Petunia. She's so silly. But I guess she didn't really want me to be all that different from her. And was looking forward to my going to school with her. Then yesterday, Petunia got a letter delivered by an owl from the Headmaster. I don't know what it said, but from what I overheard, when she was talking to Mum and Daddy, was that she wasn't going to be allowed to go. She wasn't magical. And wouldn't fit in. After that, she called me a freak and told me that she was glad that I was going to a school with other freaks like myself and that she's got her friends at her school. Friends like Stephanie and Gayle and Elosie and that her classes would teach her practical things for finding a job and living in society. I can't really say I'm all that surprised by her words, but they sure hurt. Our relationship's been rather rocky for the last few years and I think that this is just something that will cause us to be further apart. It's not fair really! At least I have Julie. Oh! I need to write her and tell her!_

_Always,_

_Lily_

_July 26, 1971_

_Diagon Alley. That's where we had to go to get my school things. That's such a cool place. And to think that it's in London, and we've never seen it before. Well, I saw the Leaky Cauldron once before when shopping with Mum. It's the dingy old pub in the heart of London. I'm not sure how Daddy managed to get all the information about where we needed to go, but he did. And we went to the Leaky Cauldron. And from there, entered Diagon Alley. I can't even begin to describe it. There were shops that sold cauldrons, shops that sold owls, shops with brooms, and anything else we could imagine. And the ice cream shop. Oh my goodness. I've never tasted anything so sweet. It was pure heaven. We realized really quickly that the shops wouldn't take the money we had, so we had to exchange it for wizard money. So we went to the bank there. It's called Gringotts. And there are these hideously ugly creatures that someone told me were goblins in charge of the bank. I was glad to get our money and leave._

_I met this girl at the shop where I was to be fitted for my school robes. This girl told me that her name is Kathleen and that she's a pure-blood. I didn't know what she was talking about. So all I told her was my name. Anyway, we chatted for a few minutes while she was finishing being fitted and then she had to leave. All she could go on about was the fact that she's got her life all planned out. She's only eleven and is practically betrothed to boy of pure blood. He's all she could talk about despite her having never really met him. Some girls are so crazy!_

_Always,_

_Lily_

_August 16, 1971_

_I got a letter from Julie today. While it seems that she's happy for me that we've discovered the secret to my "strangeness", she's really upset too. Julie asked me in the letter why she couldn't be a witch too. Because then she'd be better able to take care of her brother and sister. She said that the Child Protection People have found out that there isn't any mum or dad living with them and are trying to separate them. She refuses to let Cassie and Samuel be taken away from her. I don't know how she's going to manage to keep them with her though. She's only 11, almost 12. They started school already in the States. She told me that it's still different with the war on and everything. _

_I am so excited about my new school! I'm going to learn so much stuff that will be fun. Though I keep thinking about that girl I met in the dress shop, Kathleen, I think her name was. I wonder if all the girls in the wizarding world are like her. If they are, I'm going to go crazy! I'd much rather have my normal friends and a sister who is mean and hateful and jealous than being around a bunch of flakes like that one girl. I hope that I will be able to make some good friends. Friends who will be like Julie to me. Only nothing will ever take Julie's place in my life. We've gone through too much together. Even though we're going to be in completely different worlds, we'll always be friends._

_I just realized something. Ever since I got the letter telling me that I'm a witch, my strange dreams have stopped. I noticed this because last night was the first time in months that I've had one of my strange dreams. Maybe it's been since I turned 11. Anyway, my dream. This one once again had that boy in it. He was playing with something small and golden. I think he was showing off. Then it changed on me again. And this time, the boy, was a man again. He and I were talking to an elderly gentleman about something. I don't know what. And then the man, took the baby from my arms and tossed him up into the air. I could tell that the baby wasn't afraid of either the man beside me or the elderly gentleman. In fact, the baby looked just like the man, expect for his eyes. And they were the same shade of green as mine. It's strange, but this time my dream seemed to be a happy dream and not one that caused me to awaken in fear._

_Always, _

_Lily_

Hermione thought about what she'd just read. The excitement about Lily finding out exactly what she was. The trip to Diagon Alley. The dream with Dumbledoor, James, and Harry. Of course Harry wouldn't be afraid of James or of Dumbledoor. After all, one of the two was his father and the other, the most powerful wizard of the time. She made a decision. When the time was right, she'd give Harry his mother's story. Perhaps it would help him stop blaming himself for the loss of Fred, Colin, Moody, and so many others, but it would help him to move on to a future bright with love.

As Hermione gathered up her things and prepared to leave her attic haven, she pondered the decision she'd made earlier. The decision to allow her defenses down and the person following her to capture her. Of course the Order and the rest would object to that decision, but she knew what she was doing. At least she hoped so.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Hermione moved with purpose the next morning on her way back to the attic. She knew that this was the day. The day in which she discovered once and for all who was following her. The conversation, or fight really, with the Order members played through her mind as she made her way to the attic.

_"Hermione, we won't allow you to do this," Remus announced in a frustrated voice while staring at the determined young woman before him. "It's too dangerous."_

_"I'm not asking for permission. I'm telling you of my plans so that you will know what will happen in case something goes horribly wrong. And I'm well aware of the dangers. But you're all forgetting that I do know how to protect myself! I'm not the smartest witch Hogwarts has seen in centuries for any reason. Besides you know that I was the one responsible for most of the protective spells that Harry, Ron, and I used during the hunt for the horcruxes."_

_"Hermione, please think about what it'll do to Harry if something happens to you! Let alone what it'll do to me and the rest of the family," Ron burst out. "If something happens to you, Harry'll never forgive himself and it'll diminish the little progress he's made since the Battle."_

_"Ron, can't you see she's determined? She's going to do it. The least that you, as her boyfriend, could do is show her some support," Ginny snapped._

_"Listen everyone. I'm doing this. I will be able to finish Lily's story in peace once I know who is following me. I won't have to constantly look over my shoulder and worry about the wards going off and such."_

_There was a brief silence as the room considered Hermione's words. Then all of a sudden a flurry of voices began at once._

_"Lily's story!"_

_"Are you saying that Lily is talking to you?"_

_"Hermione, why didn't you tell me?"_

_"And this story will help Harry?"_

_"The Order should have been notified immediately upon the finding of such a treasure!"_

_Hermione sighed as she realized her slip. This was the precise reason she'd not shared her findings with anyone other than Remus. _

_"Alright, you can set your plan off tomorrow," Remus agreed reluctantly. "But understand that we will be nearby for the first hint of trouble."_

As she approached the attic, Hermione carefully went about her normal routine of checking to be sure that no one was in sight as she vanished inside the house and pretended to set the wards. Taking the soft leather book in her hands, she realized that now all she could do was wait. Wait and hope that the intruder would walk into the trap and that Lily's story would not distract her terribly from the task at hand. She settled back against the pillows, opened the book, and was transported once again to the early 1970's and a young eleven year-old's words.

_September 1, 1971_

_What a day! Today I began my journey to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I like using the school's official name. It sounds so more realistic._

_It started with a mad dash of trunks being loaded into the car. And then all of us piling in and driving to London. Petunia goes back to her school today as well and also leaves from Kings' Cross. Her train leaves at 10 am from platform 13 and mine leaves at 11 am from platform 9 ¾. So Mum and Daddy lucked out today. We both leave for school on the same day and close to the same time. We got there and got Petunia off on her train with tears on Mum's part. Then we set off to find my platform. Finding my platform was an adventure itself. There was 9 and there was 10. But no 9 ¾. We kept searching but couldn't find it. So Daddy and Mum start talking with one of the attendants who was standing around looking helpful. I'm not sure how much information that they got from him, because I started to watch the crowd of passengers. There were lots of kids with trolleys and trunks and things. I could tell that these were all students heading back to their schools. I did manage to hear a couple of kids talking about "Hogwarts" and "Quidditch" and stuff that is obviously magical. So I watched these kids. They ran straight at the wall between platforms 9 and 10 and disappeared into the wall! _

_"Daddy! Mum! I know how to get there!"_

_They turned at the sound of my voice and left the flustered attendant growing more flustered and came to me. _

_"Well Lily-girl, what'd you discover," Daddy asked while Mum grumbled about the ignorance and nerve of the attendants. _

_"We have to run at the wall between platforms 9 and 10."_

_"Well let's give it a go then shall we? Ready Heather?"_

_And with that, the three of us ran at the wall and vanished through to the other side. There was a cute train with black steam puffing with the words "Hogwarts Express" engraved in gold along the side of the train. And children everywhere. And some of the strangest people I've ever seen. It was all so exciting._

_"Let's find you a compartment, Lily-girl," Daddy said._

_As we found me a compartment and got settled in, I recognized the neighbor boy from Spinner's End, Severus Snape. He used to bother me and Petunia and Julie out at the park where we'd play. Julie never liked him either. But still, it was rather nice to see a familiar face. He nodded at me as he passed by._

_With a final hug and kiss, Mum and Daddy left me on the train. For the first time, I realized that I was leaving home and wouldn't have my parents around often anymore. I reached into the basket beside me and gathered my new kitten into my arms. Stroking Sasha's soft grey fur, a wave of homesickness washed over me and the tears began to fall. Engrossed in my private misery, I didn't hear the compartment door open and a voice speak from the doorway._

_"Excuse me, but do you mind if we join you? The other compartments are all full."_

_With a quick swipe of my hand across the my eyes, I turned to the doorway to see a boy and two girls standing there. The speaker, the boy, was about my age with sandy brown hair and brown eyes. The two girls were obviously sisters in that they had the same shape of face and were about the same size. But that's where their looks ended. One wore her brown hair up in a messy ponytail and glasses covered her face. The other let her ebony locks fall over her shoulders and her emerald eyes sparkled with merriment. I nodded and my new companions stepped inside. _

_"My name's Remus Lupin, and these are the MacAllister sisters."_

_"I'm Savannah and this is Vanessa," the dark haired girl said. "Are you a first year too?"_

_"Yes, I am. My name is Lily Evans and this is Sasha," I said holding up my kitten._

_The train ride passed quickly as the four of us spent the time chatting and playing this really cool card game called "Exploding Snap." I've never been around wizard games before, so it was such fun to watch the cards suddenly burst into flames and the rest of us try and not burn our fingers when grabbing them. _

_After several hours on the train, it pulled into a little village and stopped at the edge of it. We scrambled into robes and got off of the train. Outside on the platform, a gruff voice called out "Fi'st years over 'ere." We moved in the direction of the voice and saw a giant of a man holding a lantern and waving. He was the largest man I'd ever seen and he frightened me a little. I found myself moving closer to the twins. As he led us to the boats that would carry us across the lake to the school, the girls and I got separated from Remus. I shuddered at the thought of climbing into the boat on a black lake after hearing one of the boys next to us talking excitedly about the Giant Squid living in the lake. _

_Happily, we made it to the other side with no one falling into the lake and being eaten by the Giant Squid. Stepping out of the boat, I got my first glimpse of Hogwarts._

_There on the shoreline stood a towering castle with candles lighting up the windows. It was like a fairy tale. Cinderella getting to go to ball at the castle. Yet standing there in awe, I felt a sense of having seen it before somewhere. But where? Was this the castle I'd been dreaming of for months on end? And was this the one that I'd unwittingly tried to replicate with my research project? It very probably was._

_As the man lead us to the steps of the castle, a woman greeted us at the door. "Thank you Hagrid," she said briskly. "Now, children, I am Professor McGonagall and welcome to Hogwarts." She proceeded to lead us into the entrance way where she told us that we'd soon be sorted into ours houses --- Ravenclaw, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Gryffindor. _

_Professor McGonagall ushered us into the Great Hall where there were students sitting at four long tables. Placing a stool in front of us, she held up an old hat. The hat burst into song about the school's founders and its beginnings. As it fell silent, the older students burst into applause and then Professor McGonagall unrolled the parchment she carried and called out the first name. The girl nervously took her place upon the stool, sat there a moment before the hat called out "__**Hufflepuff!**_

_"Black, Sirius."_

_**"Gryffindor!**__"_

_"Evan, Lillian."_

_I nervously took my place upon the stool and felt the hat settle on my head. I sat there waiting for something._

_"__**Hmmm. Difficult. Very difficult. I've never had one quite like you before."**_

_"Wait a second, you're in my head," I thought._

_"__**Well of course I'm in your head. Where else would you expect me? You've got a fine mind. Lots of curiosity there. You could do well in Ravenclaw. But there's loyalty and courage too. And a sense of wanting to succeed. Very difficult. But it'd better be --- Gryffindor!"**_

_The last word was spoken with a shout and then there was applause from the table in the center of the room. I moved that way to watch the rest of the sorting._

_"You were up there longer than anyone else so far," said the boy next to me with black hair and grey eyes. "I'm Sirius Black. I'm a rebel evidently. My family's been in Slytherin for generations and here I am in Gryffindor."_

_I just nodded and kept watching._

_"Lupin, Remus."_

_"__**Gryffindor!"**_

_"MacAllister, Savannah"_

_**"Gryffindor!"**_

_I scooted over on the bench to make room for my new friend. And then her sister joined us a second later. _

_"Potter, James,"_

_**"Gryffindor!"**_

_"Snape, Severus"_

_**"Slytherin!"**_

_My eyes followed the neighbor boy as he took his place at a table where though they were happy to see him join them, were more rigid than other houses._

_After the last student was sorted into Ravenclaw, an elderly looking man stood up and quieted everyone down. Then with just a few words, he sat down and we started to feast._

_The feast that appeared was everything we could imagine and more! There were meat pies, soft buttery rolls, creamed corn, and then the desserts. Oh my. Treacl tarts, chocolate, puddings. I can't wait to write Mum and tell her all about this. _

_I looked around at my fellow classmates and saw that they were getting as sleepy as I when the elderly man stood up. He's one of the people from my dreams! Anyway, he gave us a speech about being welcome to Hogwarts and rules we needed to be aware of. Then he sent us off to bed because classes started the next day. _

_I joined Savannah, Vanessa, and the girl I'd met the day we went shopping for all my things - Kathleen, and started up through the corridors and staircases. The paintings on the walls watched us and spoke greetings to us. We came to a stop in front of a very large portrait. The stern looking fat lady crossed her arms and asked for the password. When the older student spoke it, the portrait swung away from the wall revealing a doorway leading into a room. So the portraits are sometimes doorways. How fun! _

_The room was decorated in red and gold. There were sofas and chairs scattered around. The prefect pointed us to our dormitories and we moved up the stairs. All four of us gasped when we saw our room. Four large canopied beds greeted us draped in reds and golds like the common room. Our trunks were at the bases of the beds. We changed into our nightclothes and climbed into our beds. And yes, I am sleepy, but I wanted to chronicle my impressions of Hogwarts. I wonder if there's a way to turn this diary into like a tape recorder? I'll think about that tomorrow. _

_Always,_

_Lily_

Hermione thought back to her own first day. Meeting Ron and Harry and being awed by all that she saw. So Lily met Remus on the train and Sirius during the Sorting. Turning back to the diary, Hermione was eager to read Lily's first impressions of the infamous James Potter.

_September 20, 1971_

_I got a letter from Julie today._

_**Dear Lily,**_

_**I am so happy for you! Your school sounds like so much fun! I wish I were magical and that I could go with you. At least then I'd know Cassie and Samuel would be taken care of. Things are really hard for us. We're still hiding from the Social Services people. Yesterday, the police wanted to question me more about the way Mum died. I don't want to relive that day. It was awful. **_

_**The protests against the war are getting more and more common. Everyday, it seems that more and more people are angry with the president. But it's also sorta funny that the same people protesting the war are also spouting things about love being all that is necessary. **_

_**Lily, I honestly don't see the point in me staying in school. I could get a job at the factory and make enough to support the kids. But it was always Daddy's dream that I go to the university. So for now, I'll stay in school. **_

_**What are your classes like? And your classmates? Are these classes helping you make sense of those dreams you've had?**_

_**I miss you my friend. Write me soon.**_

_**Julie**_

_"Evans, what are you reading that's so interesting," Sirius loudly asked over breakfast._

_"Nothing that concerns you Black." I gathered my books and headed off to Charms with Kathleen. She kept going on and on about how cute the Gryffindor boys are, especially James Potter and Sirius Black, and that if she wasn't already betrothed to a pure-blood boy she'd yet to meet, that she'd gladly go out with either of them. Truthfully, her chatter annoys me so I tend to tune her out. _

_In Charms Professor Flitwick had us practicing the levitation charm. I was thrilled when I was able to get it on the first try. No one else even managed to get their feathers to float at all._

_After Charms, we had Transfiguration. That class is very difficult. Most of us had no idea what it takes to transform something from one thing to another. Although one of the boys, Remus's friend James, answered every question put to us by Professor McGonagall. Even I was impressed. I sat and watched him run his fingers through his black hair, messing it up even more. _

_Over lunch, Vanessa and Sirius started talking about the upcoming Quidditch try outs. And some of the other boys joined in complaining that 1st years weren't allowed on the team. _

_"Remus," I leaned over to the boy next to me. "What's Quidditch?"_

_"It's the sport of the wizarding world. I'm not sure what would be similar in the Muggle world. But this game is played with 7 players on brooms. They're flying around trying to either score points or keep the other team from scoring." _

_"Oh ok."_

_The rest of the day flew by. After lunch, the Gryffindor 1st years had History of Magic - which is the only class taught by a real ghost!- and then Herbology with the Slytherins. _

_For some reason, I don't understand these two houses hate each other. It just doesn't make sense. And the way that the Slytherins treat Sirius. They constantly bother him about being a "blood traitor". Each time that happens, James jumps to his defense. And then there's the way that Severus Snape stares at me. He's always watching me in class and in the Great Hall. I'm having a hard time combining the rather annoying boy from the neighborhood with this brooding classmate. He never says anything to me. Just watches me. It's rather creepy. _

_Always, _

_Lily_

_September 25, 1971_

_Today I had my first ever broom ride. Or at least I attempted to ride a broom. Witches ride brooms. That's how they're always shown in the fairy tales and movies. So it shouldn't be too hard to get on a broom and take off into the air, right? I couldn't have been more wrong! But still I was excited when I saw that our last class of the day was going to be flying lessons._

_All of the first years met out on the lawn to have lessons in flying/riding a broom. Madam Hooch had us stand next to the brooms, extend our left hands and say "Up!" Over these past few weeks, I've gotten really used to being great at everything I attempt especially Charms and Potions. So I was shocked and disappointed when my broom didn't even wiggle. Next to me, Vanessa's broom immediately jumped to her hand. And she wasn't the only one. James, Sirius, a few of the Hufflepuffs, and a couple of the others managed to get it on the first try too. After several tries, I finally managed to get my broom to come to me. Thank goodness I wasn't the last one. That particular honor belonged to a Syltherin girl named Gertrude._

_Once we all had managed to call our brooms, we finally got to take to the air. Madam Hooch didn't want us to fly very high off the ground, so we only flew a few meters. But I was actually in the air! It was amazing! But I think I prefer solid ground beneath me. _

_After class, Savannah and I were walking back to the castle. She's so different than Vanessa. Both the girls remind me of Julie. Where Van has brown hair and violet eyes and is every inch a tomboy, Savannah knows she's beautiful. She has so far managed to talk her way out of most assignments. Where Van is super smart and carefree, like Julie before she moved away, Savannah is clueless. She's a bit of a ditz. But the aspect of her personality that reminds me the most of Julie is that she's got a love of life. Sure, she's gorgeous. With those big emerald eyes and that long black hair, all the boys can't keep their eyes off of her. There is some tension between the sisters. I think that Van feels that she's got to compete with Savannah. But I've wandered off my topic again. Where was I? Oh yes! Our walk back to the castle._

_Savannah and I were talking about flying and if we'd have to fly very often when James and Sirius ran up and managed to snatch both of our bookbags and took off across the lawn. Savannah promptly stopped walking and screamed for Vanessa. When Van caught up to her, Savannah let Vanessa go after Sirius. I, on the other hand, took off after James immediately. I caught up with him not far from Hagrid's hut. _

_"James! Give me back my bag!"_

_"Can't do that Evans," he replied with a grin. "These bags contain some information that I and some of the others will find very helpful."_

_"And just what information might that be, Potter?"_

_"Your Potions essay."_

_"Oh no you don't! You're not copying my essay! Now give me back my bag, you insufferable git!"_

_And with that, he and I took off across the lawn. He staying a few feet in front of me and letting me almost catch him before darting off in a different direction. We kept up the chase for several minutes before we were both a bit tired. Collapsing onto the lawn to catch our breath, his hazel eyes met my green ones. It was weird. That second or two. There seemed to be something that passed between us._

_"You, Miss Evans, are a worthy opponent," he said as he tossed my bag over to me. "Where did you ever learn to run like that? I mean, I'm fast, but you can match me for speed in any footrace. Now on brooms on the other hand …"_

_I couldn't help it. I had to laugh at the seriousness of his voice. My laughter caused his face to split into a cocky grin while he absentmindedly ran his fingers through his already messed up hair. The rest of our housemates joined us then, and amidst laughter, we wandered up to the castle and the evening meal._

_Always,_

_Lily_

A sudden noise caused Hermione to jerk her attention away from the captivating story of Lily to the present. She'd purposely only set the most basic of wards. Readying her wand, she moved through the attic to the lower levels of the house. Casting a nonverbal silencing spell on herself, she moved towards the room in which she heard noises.

Pausing at the doorway to the library, she quickly cast a stunning spell on the intruder before giving the woman a chance to notice her presence.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Hermione sat in a chair in the library sipping some tea while waiting for her bound prisoner to come to herself.

"Ugh," the woman muttered as she stirred. Her eyes opened and as the realization that she was bound dawned on her, she turned angry eyes upon her captor.

"Why have you bound me?"

"I couldn't very well take the chance that you would attack me or try to escape now, could I? And don't bother searching for your wand. I have it and won't be giving it back any time soon," Hermione stated calmly.

"What do you want from me?"

"Right now, to talk to you."

"Oh."

The silence lengthened between the two women. Hermione kept her eyes trained on the former classmate in front of her.

"I have to say that you're the least likely person I'd have expected to follow me," she said unexpectedly. "So why have you been?"

"Because I _am_ the least likely suspect. That's why," the woman retorted angrily.

"Come off of it Pansy! We both know that that is just an excuse! I can promise you, answering my questions will be much easier for you than if I have to call in backup! So you may as well tell me the truth. Why have you been following me for the past few months?"

"Because I'm hoping you have something useful that will help him regain his former favor."

"And if I did have something, what could you, Pansy, hope to gain?"

Pansy's eyes dropped away from the other woman's piercing gaze. What could she possibly hope to gain? She was already beginning to regret the whole fiasco of engaging the smartest witch from their year at Hogwarts. A witch who managed more complex things in her years at Hogwarts than most students learned in all their time there.

"His love," she mumbled quietly.

"Excuse me, would you mind repeating what you just said," Hermione asked startled.

"His love," Pansy repeated in a slightly louder voice.

Hermione sat back and contemplated Pansy's statement. The only person to her knowledge that Pansy would go through such great lengths to gain love from was Draco Malfoy. And Hermione had information that Pansy didn't know about regarding Draco. And the crazy woman thought that there was some piece of information that Hermione had in her possession that would bring Draco to his knees and render a confession of undying love.

"Whose love," she asked Pansy softly though with an idea of the other woman's response.

"Draco's. I love him so much and he's so out of favor with everyone that I want to give him something that he can use to his advantage to regain favor," the words tumbled out in a rush and ended on a sob.

Hermione stared at her stunned. In all her years of knowing Pansy Parkinson, this was the first semi-selfless act that she'd seen the girl commit. It didn't matter how twisted it was. It was still self-less, sort of. Of course, being privilege to more information about Draco than Pansy could even imagine, Hermione suddenly realized that Pansy had no idea as to where Draco's loyalties lay now.

"Even if I had some pertinent information --- which I don't --- and gave it to you, what makes you so sure that it would help him to regain favor? Voldemort's been dead for three years. The Death Eaters who weren't killed in the Battle are still being captured and put in Azakbahn. So Draco would be needing to regain the favor of whom?"

"I don't know. I wasn't told. All I was told was that this was a way that he could regain favor."

"Did Draco put you up to this?"

"No! He doesn't know I'm here. He doesn't know anything about this. I've not talked to him in months. And the last time that I spoke with him, he seemed so distant. I recalled the days when he was a favored one of the Dark Lord and that's the Draco I fell in love with. The one who was rich and people feared. Not the shallow shell of a man from the past few years. And that's the Draco I want back. The one that I fell in love with. And so I decided to take it upon myself to help him regain his former glory."

Hermione stared at the other woman, not fully believing what she'd just heard. Pansy actually wanted the Draco who was the bully back as opposed to the man he'd become. She was in love with the idea and the thought of power. In Hermione's mind, those were necessary the qualities to love in someone else.

"Interesting," was the only comment that Hermione allowed to escape her mouth.

"Besides, Granger, everyone knows that it was Potter who defeated the Dark Lord. And everyone knows that you're one of his best mates. And since getting Potter is really the best way for Draco to regain his former glory, I've chosen to follow you. Because if something happens to you, then that means that Potter will come after those who've hurt you. And then, we'll have Potter."

"Pansy you must be insane to even believe such a plan! There are several problems with that and the first is that should something happen to me, it wouldn't be Harry who comes after me. Because Harry is indisposed and has been since the Battle! There is no way that he would be able to come after anyone who harms me. And secondly, I am quite capable of taking care of myself. And because I'm so capable, it's the only reason that I'm sitting here talking to you instead of your being faced with not so pleasant treatment. Now other than me, what are you looking for?"

"Potter's indisposed? Then it would be the Weasel who comes for you."

"Yes, Ron would come for me. Now, this is the last time I'm going to ask you this question – what have you been looking for?"

Pansy eyed the woman pointing her wand at her. She knew that Hermione wasn't afraid to use that wand. Realizing how hopeless her cause was, Pansy said, "For the past year or so, there has been on the rise a new Dark Lord. While I don't know who exactly it is, I can tell you that I was approached about joining with them. I refused for myself but decided that I would do anything to assist Draco in regaining favor. When I tried to talk to him about this idea, he grew very irate and short with me. So I decided I'd do it on my own and then once he's been restored then he would realize how much he loves me and would thank me for it..

"It's not been easy, I can tell you that. I would tail various known Potter supporters, hoping that they would lead me to Potter. Then one day, I happened to look across the street and saw you slipping into this building. I lingered outside that day, watching for you. When you came back the next day and the day after, I knew that there was something here that would cause you to return. I just hoped that you would lead me to Potter. And when that didn't work, I decided to try and bring you instead. After a while, I grew bored with that plan and wanted to see what was interesting to you about this house that you would return to it day in and day out. So I managed to get inside. I knew you'd noticed because the next day, you were more cautious. So once again, I started waiting. And finally, today, I was able to get in again. And I'd only just begun my search when you stunned me. So I have no idea why this house has become your destination each day. Or what you have found.

"There. Now you know all of it."

Hermione smiled to herself. Pansy really didn't know that Draco had switched loyalties. Or that she'd found something of vital importance that would possibly help Harry learn to forgive himself and to live again.

"What are you going to do with me," Pansy asked when the other woman remained silent.

Allowing the silence to build, Hermione thought about her options. She didn't need Pansy following her any more and yet allowing her to be on her own was unthinkable. Especially in light of the not so startling news about a new Dark Lord on the rise. This was certainly information that the Order needed, but Hermione did think that Pansy needed to be interrogated by Order members rather than herself. But what to do with her was the question. Reaching a swift decision, Hermione answered the other woman.

"I'm going to take you with me so that you can be questioned further. The information that you have given me is very interesting and some of it will need to be confirmed by our intelligence. But you should know that I will not harm you. I can't answer for some of my colleagues, but _I_ won't harm you. Once I leave you for questioning, you'll be out of my hands. I have my own assignment to complete and it's not something that can be done with you here. I regret to tell you that your memory will be obliterated of the time that you've spent tracking me. The information that I'm following is too vital to the well-being of certain people that we can't take any chance that you will inadvertently slip something out and place him in danger. Now, Remus and the others will be here soon."

Pansy shrank back in her chair as Hermione finished calmly explaining what was to happen to her. Evidently her hunch was right and Hermione was onto something, but now she'd have no chance of finding out as Remus Lupin and several other known Order members entered the room.

"Well done Hermione. I must say that your plan paid off. You had the situation under control and we were able to monitor you. We'll take her with us for further questioning," Remus said as he and the others entered the room. Allowing the others to secure Pansy and lead her from the room, Remus lingered a moment to speak with his former student.

"Hermione, you've done well," he began. "Do you think that she was the only threat to you or might there have others and that she wasn't acting alone?"

"No, as far as I can tell, she was most definitely acting alone," Hermione replied thoughtfully. "But there's still something. Something that I'm not sure what exactly but I think that it will be the key to everything I've found out."

"Something relating to something that Pansy said or did?"

"No, not at all. I think I was letting my try to see how the journals will help Harry and there's still something I'm missing. Some piece that is still needed."

"I remember my first meeting with Lily. It was on the train to Hogwarts. She was sitting in a compartment crying and I was with these other two girls, sisters if I remember right, and I was so glad to find a compartment that still had room and where I wasn't being looked down on just for being rather poor. She let us join her and she was so sweet. I can see how James was so taken with her from the first. She became my first friend at Hogwarts."

Hermione smiled at Remus and said, "I was just reading about her train ride and sorting. She mentions you and how you and the girls helped her to forget all about leaving her home and family."

"She wrote about the train ride?!"

"Yes she did, and her first days of classes and pretty much everything else."

"Hermione, do you think ---? No wait, I shouldn't even ask! --- It's none of my business, but still."

"Yes, Remus, I will be happy to let you read them. Once I've finished them that is. But once I give them to Harry you do understand that he may not want anyone reading them?"

"Of course! I'm only asking because while I feel that I knew James and Sirius and Peter pretty well because they were my dormmates, I didn't know Lily as well as I'd have hoped to. And besides, it may help me bring closure to the senseless deaths I've seen. Hers. James's. Sirius's. Dubmledore's. Fred's. Mad-Eye's. Even Severus's."

"And your wife's," Hermione asked softly recognizing just whose name he left off the list and watching her friend closely as she brought it up.

With tears filling his eyes, Remus nodded. "Please Hermione, it may help me to finally let the ghosts of my past rest so that I can raise my son. And so that I can better help Harry too."

"Remus, I do have a question for you. At school, did Lily ever really talk about a girl named Julie?"

"Julie? I don't remember off hand. She may have. Why do you ask?"

"Lily's closest friend was named Julie. And there is either a mention of her or a letter to or from her every few entries. She's just more of the puzzle that I'm trying to piece together. The puzzle of Lily's life," she informed him with a smile. At his thoughtful, yet understanding nod, she bade him good afternoon and disappeared back into the attic and Lily's relativity exciting first year.

_October 5, 1971_

_Last night we had Astronomy. Astronomy is such an interesting class. First of all it meets at night and we're out of bed at midnight so that we can look at the stars and the moon. Currently Professor Sinistra has us studying the phases of the moon. And last night's moon was a full moon. Gosh it was pretty. There's just something about being able to see the moon from the heights of the tower as opposed to looking at it from my bedroom window at home. I don't know what it is, but it's just different._

_Anyway, back to the class. All of the first years were gathered for this lesson. All but Remus. According to James and Sirius, he'd gotten an urgent message from home and he had to leave. I think it was something about his mum or his grandmother or something like that. So I don't know when he's going to be able to make up the lesson. Perhaps next month, he'll be with us. Because Professor Sinistra says that we're going to study the full moon for the next couple of months. When I saw Remus at lunch today, he looked awful! Like he was the one who was sick instead of his mum or grandmother. Vanessa asked him if he was ok and he smiled and said yeah he was fine. I wonder if Van likes him. She's so out going and he's so shy. But they were together on the train with me. _

_I got several letters from home with today's post. Mum writes that she misses me and that she ran into Mr. Goshen the other day. He's curious to know how I'm doing at my new school. So Mum encouraged me to write him. I think I will. Daddy wrote to tell me how much he misses me and that he's got a whole bunch of stuff from Granna Louise's that we've never been able to go through just waiting for me for when I get home. He also told me that the War in the States is finally looking like it's starting to draw to a close. Finally. And that perhaps we'll be able to save enough money to take the family on a trip to visit Julie, Cassie, and Samuel. That would be so much fun! I know that Julie would love it!_

_Julie. I got another letter from her as well. It just breaks my heart to know that she's spending her twelfth birthday without me. And without her mum or dad. She said that there are some people in their building who are helping them out and hiding them from the Social Services people. It's become almost like a game as to who can keep the authorities from separating the three of them. I'm glad about that at least. She needs her brother and her sister with her. I'm worried about her though. She keeps saying that she's going to drop out of school and that the only reason she's not is because it's her dad's dream. I wish that there was a way I could help her. I can't even call her! I wonder if I can get her an owl for Christmas? That would make letters between us so much easier._

_I also got a letter from Petunia! It wasn't much. Just telling me that she hopes that I'm doing well with my studies and the she's going to spend Christmas with Stephanie. Petunia still hasn't forgiven me for being so different. I'm not sure what we'll do once we are together under the same roof. She hates the fact that I'm so different than she is. _

_For all her lack of any real sense, Kathleen is very sweet. Take the other night. I woke up from yet another strange dream and this time it really scared me! Kathleen crawled over to my four-poster bed and asked me to tell her about it. I was glad that she was there. This dream it was so different than any of the others. I was walking with a young man, who I instinctively knew was my son. I've grown used to seeing this boy as a baby and a toddler, that I was rather startled to see him as a teenager. And in the dream, I wasn't much older than he was. We weren't alone. There were there others with us. Three men. One of them, I could tell was the boy's father, but I don't know who the other two were. But my poor son. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his young shoulders. And he was alone except for the four of us around him. We were walking through what looked a forest. It was very dark and dense. And we reached a clearing and there before us stood a group of hooded figures. They were somehow familiar to me like I'd seen them before. There was this pasty looking wizard. At least I think it was a wizard. It was weird. He didn't use his own wand but took the wand from the hooded figure next to him. Then the young man collapsed. I guess that as his mother, I knew he had just died, but I didn't want him to! My sobs were what caused Kathleen to come and sit with me. She woke me up from this nightmare. We talked quietly and I told her all about this dream. She looked at me with those big eyes of hers and asked, __**"Lily, have you ever thought about the fact that your dreams may tell the future?"**__ Tell the future! She's got to be kidding. She told me that she had the gift of the Second Sight, I think is what she called it and that her family has no use for her gift. I shook my head at her. I know that I don't have any such gift at all and I think it's a bit of rubbish. I just wish that there was a way for me to either stop dreaming these dreams or for me to understand them!_

_Always,_

_Lily_

_December 26, 1971_

_I can't believe how quickly time went by! I'm home for Christmas and still can't believe that I've not written since October! Let's see. Where to begin?_

_On Halloween, the castle was decorated in all sorts of "frightening" ways. Peeves, the poltergeist in residence, decided to help the celebrations along by playing all sorts of pranks on both the teachers and the students. The results of his mischief caused James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter to try to find him and talk to him about the pranks he pulled. It was rather funny to watch really. The feast that evening was amazing. We had every sort of sweet thing imaginable. At home, Mum and Daddy never really did much for Halloween. Sure, Petunia and I were able to go trick-or-treating, but we didn't actually do much with this. I never did find out if Remus made up that Astronomy lesson. After that first one, we haven't really studied the full moon anymore._

_There's the funniest looking tree on the grounds not far from the lake. It's called the Whomping Willow and it will attack anybody who comes near it. James was bragging the other day about how he could fly circles around it and not have it attack him. That boy is annoying!_

_I'm glad that for now, my dreams seem to have stopped. That last one about my son was so disturbing that Kathleen wondered if I might see the future. Whatever. I'm just glad that my dreams are the normal type of dreams that most girls dream. My dormmates are a rather interesting lot of girls. Savannah, Vanessa, and Kathleen. The twins seem to love and hate each other. Van's always protecting Savannah from anyone who decides to pick on her. I remember the days that Petunia did that for me. But what's so funny about them, is that Van constantly pretends that she hates her sister and that she's the only allowed to pick on Savannah. Last week, the four of us were in the common room trying to finish the Defense Against the Dark Arts essay when the Maraurders, as James, Sirius, Peter and Remus, have taken to calling themselves, came in and started picking on us. Well I guess that they weren't really picking on all of us, just me and Savannah. And more specifically, James and Sirius. I decided to try to ignore them. But Van! She was awesome. She decided that the boys needed to a dose of their own medicine. And she practiced one the defense hexes we'd been studying on them. It was so funny to see James and Sirius all of a sudden being petrified. We were laughing so hard, Remus and Peter included, that one of the older students had to perform the counter-jinx! I think that it's going to be war between Van and the boys now._

_I'm worried about Julie. I haven't heard from her in weeks. Her last letter was saying how she and Cassie and Samuel are still avoiding the child protection people. Mum and Daddy agreed that I could get her an owl for Christmas, so I found her a beautiful grey and white striped owl. I named it Tiger. Daddy helped me to ship it to her. So, hopefully she'll get it and enjoy it. This way, she'll get to have a piece of my world._

_Petunia's not here for the holidays. Daddy and Mum agreed that she could go to Stephanie's house in Surrey. It's weird spending Christmas without her here. I was out walking this afternoon and ran into Seveus from school. I forgot that he lived off of Spinner's End. I asked him if he'd had a good Christmas and he was very rude to me. Then I think he realized how his words had hurt my feelings and said that he was looking forward to going back to Hogwarts next week. He asked me how I'm liking Hogwarts now that I've completed an entire term. I told him that I found the school awesome and fascinating all at the same time. _

_It's funny really. But, he's so different here than at school. I wonder if it's because here he doesn't have to worry about who he is and staying on his guard against the constant teasing that our classmates do. I think he needs a friend. I'm going to try to be his friend and see what happens. I feel sorry for him._

_Always,_

_Lily_

_January 3, 1972_

_I leave in the morning to go back to school. I can't wait! It's so exciting there. Everything I'm learning is so interesting. I think that Mum and Daddy have realized that I'll never really be a part of the world I've lived for the past 11 years. They know that I'm growing up and that I will belong in the magical world. But as Daddy likes to remind Mum, "Heather what she's learning doesn't make her any less of our daughter. In fact, it makes me love her even more!" Daddy didn't know I overheard him, but when he saw me, he wasn't upset. He's right too. I'll always be his daughter. _

_I finally got a letter from Julie, delivered by Tiger! Here's what she's writing._

_**December 27, 1971,**_

_**Dear Lily,**_

_**I love the owl! Though I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to be able to keep him. He's beautiful. Cassie and Samuel will have their hearts broken if we can't keep him. Thank you so much for sending me a piece of your world. You said in your note that anytime I want to write or send you something, that I should just attach it to the owl's leg. So I'm going to use him to send off your Christmas present. I've actually had it since Thanksgiving, and hadn't been able to afford to send it to you. This way, I hope, will be both faster and cheaper. Tiger arrived right before Christmas.**_

_**We're having some nasty weather over here at the moment. It's a combination of sleet and rain. And oh so cold. I'm actually sorry that we're off for Christmas right now. Because at least when we're at school, we're fed and warm. It's been hard the past few nights. The three of us have huddled together under every blanket we own to try and stay warm. It's not much fun. **_

_**I'm sorry that I've not written in a long time. We'd gotten word that we were about to be split up and ran off and hid. You'll never believe this but we were actually living on the streets for about a month! Then word got back to me that we could go back to our flat, so we did. Of course we don't have any electricity or anything like that, but we're still together, which is what I know that Daddy and Mum would have wanted. **_

_**The other day I was at the market, trying to get us some bread and cheese to get us through the next couple of days when this really cute guy started talking to me. Oh Lily, he's older, I think he's 16 at least. And he's so nice to me. He's been to the flat several times since we met and the kids love him. His name is Luke. Luke Randal. He's got blue eyes that are a shade I'd never seen before. They're a sort of navy. And he's got chestnut hair that is wavy. And, Lily, he's just perfect! Lily, he's been teaching me so many things. Wonderful things really. He wants me to come with him next year, after I'm thirteen, to see the world! I think I'm in love.**_

_**Anyway, I've got to go. Luke's here. Write me soon!**_

_**~Julie**_

_OhJulie! My heart is just hurting for all that she's gone through. No heat, little food. I hope she'll believe me when I tell he to be careful with Luke. Sure he's sounds like a dream, but I don't know. There's something that she's not telling me. Her Christmas present is amazing. I don't know how she managed to find me a first edition of the one Nancy Drew book I've been missing, but I love it!_

_That dream came back last night. The same one with my son in it. It woke me up with chills. I've heard that there's a subject that we're able to take once we reach our 3__rd__ year called Divination. If there's something about interpreting dreams, I'm going to take that class! Kathleen may know some stuff, but she's a bit of a flake and I don't want to ask her. And Van and Savannah of course know nothing of my dreams. _

_Now it's off to finish packing!_

_Always,_

_Lily_

_February 2, 1972_

_I got another letter from Julie the other day. I'm so excited. She says that Luke is going to help her come to England for Easter! I've missed my friend so much. I wonder if Cassie and Samuel are going to get to come as well? I still don't trust this Luke friend of hers. I think he's a bad guy. But he's going to totally be redeemed in my mind if Julie actually gets to come to England for Easter!_

_Sirius and Remus decided that James needed a birthday party for turning 12. His birthday was on January 30. And the only reason I know that is because he kept telling me and then asking me what I was going to get him. For some reason that I don't understand, James is constantly teasing me and running his fingers through his hair! But he's not really all that nice. Funny, yes, but he's just too sure of himself._

_But back to the party. I don't know how they managed it, but the boys threw a smashing party in the common room. Everybody loves James. Even all the older kids. He's rich, comes from a proud wizarding family, and he's cute. I did not just say that James Potter is cute! I can't believe that! I don't really even like him. Anyway, Sirius, Remus, and even Peter managed to decorate the common room with all sorts of balloons and streamers. And then there was the food. They must have raided the kitchen somehow because there was treacle this and treacle that and pumpkin juice and all sorts of yummy goodies! I think that they had to get some of the older students to help. I mean we're all only first years. Sure James and Sirius are the best in our year at Transfiguration, but not so great at charms. And from what I could tell, that Quidditch pitch that was in the common room is a lot more complicated than what we've learned so far! But there were fairy lights and everything in the common room. Kathleen, Savannah, and Vanessa were all as impressed as I was. But unlike me, they decided to help inflate James's ego by exclaiming over them all night. Actually it was more Kathleen and Savannah. And Sirius was making sure that Savannah knew that he'd done most of the work. And Peter kept telling us that he and Remus had helped. _

_Van and I decided to wander over to the table covered with all of James's favorite foods and ended up chatting with a 7__th__ year prefect we'd not met before. Alice Harper she was. She was telling us that she's going to be going into the Auror program after she leaves Hogwarts. She's such a sweet girl. She's got a round face and dark eyes. Her dark brown hair hangs to her waist and she had it pulled back with a headband. _

_Alice asked us if we'd gotten anything for James as a present. She told us that in her seven years here at Hogwarts that she'd never seen the pile of presents that a 1__st__ year like James received for his birthday. I told her, __**'I think he's an only child and that his parents decided to send him all sorts of stuff. I've never given birthday presents to witches or wizards before so I had no idea what to get him. I finally settled on something that is totally Muggle and that I knew he'd not have.' **__Alice and Van both looked up at me with raised eyebrows and a question on their faces. Before they had a chance to voice the question, I hurriedly added, __**'It's a Muggle book of magic tricks with a deck of cards to go with it. I just thought that he'd like it.'**__ I turned my attention to fixing myself a plate of yummy food to hide the blush that I felt creeping up my cheeks. Van reached over and gave me hug saying, __**'That's a sweet idea Lily. And I think that he'll love it. It's so unique. No one else will have thought of that.'**__ At her words, I relaxed and continued to chat with my friend and Alice._

_I don't know when Sirius decided that it was time for James to open his presents since I lost track of time while getting to know Alice. But it seemed like all of a sudden all of the presents were piled in the middle of the common room floor and James was eagerly attacking them. There was paper flying all sorts of ways and laughter as he exclaimed over each and every present. I was glad to know that I wasn't the only girl to get him something. Kathleen had given a new set of quills, Savannah and Vanessa a book about Quidditch, some of the older girls gave him moving pictures of themselves with notes attached saying that they'd love to go out with him. His friends, though, I liked what they gave him the best. They gave him a self-inking quill that won't ever run out of ink while using it. Finally, there was just one present left in the pile --- Mine. I watched intently as he opened it and read my simple card, __**'James- Happy birthday. – Lily.'**__ His face lit into a huge grin as he tore the wrappings off the package. __**'A book of Muggle tricks! I can't wait to try some of these. Maybe I can confuse Filch with something so simple since he's always trying to find a reason to land me-no us- in detention!'**__ At his words, the room burst into laughter. But it was true, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had all managed to find themselves in detention with Filch at least once a week. _

_Overall, I think that it was a fun party. The boys have certainly set the bar for the next party. And that's to try and outdo the bash they threw for James' birthday. _

_Always,_

_Lily_

_February 18, 1972,_

_I'm so upset! I got Julie's latest letter this morning at breakfast. I was so excited to read it and hope to hear more about her coming to England at Easter. Her letter was so short!_

_**February 15, 1972**_

_**Dear Lily,**_

_**I am so sorry! Luke won't be able to get a ticket to send me to England for Easter. I miss you so much! I'm mad at him at the moment, but I know that he loves me. I won't be able to write again until I send your birthday present. Thank goodness for Tiger. He's making it so much easier to get you a letter!**_

_**Love you,**_

_**Julie**_

_I couldn't help it. I just started crying in the Great Hall. Kathleen, who was sitting beside me, asked what was wrong and I just shook my head. Even the boys noticed. And they're not usually paying too close attention to what we girls are up to. But maybe it was because their normal teasing of me and Savannah wasn't working. And that caused them to question what was wrong. Sirius took it upon himself to try and read my letter, but thankfully Vanessa just told him to bugger off! And that I was fine and that they'd see us in class. Thank goodness for my friends! The four of us got up and left the table with our breakfasts mostly untouched and went to clean me up. Lessons today were a complete waste for me, though I did try my best to concentrate. James tried to cheer me up later by demonstrating one of the tricks from the book I gave him for his birthday. He did manage to make me smile. But he could see that my heart wasn't in it. As I decided that it was time for me to go upstairs to the dorm and write about my horrible day, he grabbed my arm, looked at me with those beautiful hazel eyes of his, and said quietly, __**'Lily, whatever is bothering you today and has made you so upset, I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to, I'll listen.'**__ I gave him my first real smile of the day. __**'Thanks James, I'm really fine, but thank you.'**__ And then I ran up the stairs to the dorm so that I could write inside these pages. James can be sweet when he wants to. And he does have pretty eyes. I'd never let him know, of course, but his attempts at those stupid magic tricks did manage to cheer me up._

_Always,_

_Lily_

Hermione turned the last page of the small-leather bound book and absently thought about the fact that Lily's latest entry had marked the end of the fourth of such journals. She recognized the need to stretch her legs and left the haven of her attic refuge. These past few weeks since Pansy's capture, Remus and the other Order members allowed her keep the minimal protection charms around the house and attic. She felt free at being able to concentrate on her research without having to worry about being followed. And Lily's story was utterly fascinating to her. The early days of the relationship between James and Lily showed them as more friends than housemates. Hermione had to wonder what changed and when that relationship changed from tentative friends to hostile enmity on Lily's part at least and then into the love that everyone remembered the pair sharing. As she gathered her things to leave for the day, she realized that she needed to pick Remus's brain some more. More about the relationship between Lily and James in their first year than about Julie.

"I wonder what the others will say if I tell them that I need to bring in a computer or at least head to a Muggle library so that I can perform an Internet search for Julie," she laughed to herself. That was a battle that would have to wait for another day. The early relationship between James and Lily was more pressing in her mind.


End file.
